Too much info...now Im stuck with it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Too much info...now Im stuck with it...
10
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 5:42pm
I am dating a man, quite seriously, and we started out as friends. When we were friends, he was going through a painful breakup and shared alot with me about that. Like how she was the strongest mental and physical connection he had ever had, and he felt he'd never have that again. That the day he met her was the best day of his life. Well...now we date and Im just...stuck...with those words in my head. But my real question is this: They speak on the phone about once a week. Hes not secretive about this with me...If I say "so...talk with anyone this weekend?" in casual conversation, if he has spoken with her, he will tell me, and give me the updates on her life (not that I ask...believe me). Should I feel threatened by this??? Well I DO feel threatened...I guess Im wondering if I have a right to feel this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 6:48pm
I think you need to stop asking him who he spoke with over the weekend - that sounds very intrusive and controlling, in my opinion. Your feelings are your feelings, and either you trust him or you don't
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 7:04pm
Wow...Im surprised with as little info as I gave in my original post that you not only took it as an invitation to pass judgement on my character but you also managed to not even answer the question...lol. Where in my post did I ask about trust?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:12pm

Should you feel threatened? Maybe - that is up to you to determine what threatens you based on how secure you are with the relationship. But, to me it sounds as though he hasn't and can't quite let go.


That being the case you only have 90% of him (don't hold me to the percentage!) - he is not truly emotionally commited to you and maybe that is what seems to be bothering you.


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:33pm
Thank you for your thoughts. I think you are right. Also, though Im very very clear on the feeling he had (has?) for her, I am unclear on his feelings for me....and thats really tough to deal with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:43pm

It's a stressful situation, for sure, but not one that can't resolve the way you want it. You don't say how long you have been dating

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:45pm
If you trusted him you wouldn't feel threatened, and if you ready my post you would see that I was giving you my opinion on a specific behavior you mentioned, not on your character.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:00pm
Calling someone controlling and intrusive is insulting...any semantics you wish to apply...feel free. I trust him implicitly, this wasnt a "is he cheating on me" post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:29pm
If you trust him you have nothing to worry about but I would be a little concerned about your level of defensiveness.

Thanks for sharing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:36pm
Odd that you would perceive clarifying facts as "defensiveness". Interesting....anyways, thanks for your 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 10:22pm
I don't think it's odd at all that I perceived your tone as defensive - just my take on it, much the same as you chose to interpret my opinion as an attack on character - i disagreed with you and found it "odd" as well but you are entitled just like you are entitled to feel insecure about your bf's previous relationship.

Have a great evening.