too sexy, too soon??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2002
too sexy, too soon??
6
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:20am
Hi

I am totally committed to building a healthy relationship in my life and trusting my insctincts!!!-- Goodness knows I've had too many unhealthy ones. I am in my late 50s and think it is about time to go for waht i want and deserve. I've recently connected with someone--online and wanted to meet as soon as possible so I can decide in person if I want to continue what at first seemed like a nice connection. We have a date to meet for next weekend--One week after our initial contact--that is good. However, it seems that while this guy says many things i like and we've been flirting a bit, he is also talking A LOT about sex talking in very intimate ways. One things he says he really wants me to know is that he is a very good kisser and wants to know where i like being touched and continues to aksed me about different intimate places. His handle is sexydude--he is 55. hey i love sex and it is an important part of a relationship for me and i love the flirting we have been doing but this has moved to SEX before we've even met. The first place i want to be touched when first getting to know someone is my heart, my soul and my mind. I am now thinking about just cancelling with this guy and tell him just that. Based on this-i don't think he is interested in building a healthy relatinship and soul mate, but only wants a sexmate.


So, would love some feedback on what my instincts are telling me--should i just drop this guy NOW or am I being too quick.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:20am
This happens very often online. Men get into discussing sex and you build up a false intimacy. It should be a red flag to you that he's very interested in sex with you.

I'd be weary of him talking that soon about sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 10:01am
When it comes to dating, especially online, be aware of guys who try to charm you by saying "the right things". Their purpose is to try and gain your trust and build a "connection" with you. They'll say whatever it takes, even "I love you", "you're beatiful inside and out", "I'm looking for an open minded woman to make me happy", "if you loved me you'd do it OR let me do it" crap to try and get what they want. If this 55-year old guy is talking about sex even before meeting you and asking intimate questions, it is possible that what he has in mind is to meet with you, get you into bed, enjoy the ride and get back to his business. Try and tell him off and see what his reaction is. Perhaps, he'll go away as soon as he realizes that you're no fool, he might pressure you into meeting and asking more intimate questions OR he might back off for a while. In any case this sex talk too soon, before meeting, is a turn off to me. I wouldn't trust a man who is asking intimate questions before meeting, that insults my intellect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 10:42am
Trust your instincts. You feel that this man's behavior is "off" and you are wary of his intentions. I agree with you. His behavior is a red flag. I wouldn't bother to meet him in person. He doesn't sound like someone who's after a healthy, longlasting relationship, and since that's what you are seeking, he's most likely not the guy you're looking for. Good luck.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 10:42am
If a guy from an online dating site starts talking about sex before we've even met (or even on a first date), he's history. It's disrespectful and tacky, IMO. I am a highly sexual person, but to talk about it before you've even MET me???? Please.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 11:17am
What a person pursues is what they want...he's pursuing sex.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2002
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 7:19am
Hi Everyone-thanks for your feedback. I told him how i felt-he apologized but defended himself and wanted me to share the responsibility. Didn't say, you know we really were rushing it. Like you guys said, said he really wanted to get to know me on all levels and sihed that he was spoken for my a woman like me. How in the heck would he know. anyway,,, still didn't feel right but said all the right things that I'd love to hear--AFTER we were in an estabished relationship-not just starting and not even met.

boy I was nervous about meeting him--and so glad that I just followed how i felt-That felt very powerful.. Usually i dismiss my feelings and analyze it to death and walk right in--to the worng relatinships.

Thanks everyone.