Too soon to be discouraged or what?
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| Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:23am |
My other half and I introduced his best bud to a coworker of mine. Long story short she went from being excited about meeting to NOT contacting me regarding his arrival only to inform me he was “hot” and that they really hit it off.
They spent his entire visit together with us tagging along, and went as far as holding hands and hugging and kissing.
He left and went back home and continued to keep in touch. She told me he needed to take it slow only to call him and NOT mention anything to him.
He has since emailed and called only to engage in brief conversations. Or she calls him back but only after a day or so, yet she continues to tell him to contact her, though she doesn’t always answer.
Also she expressed interest in him coming to visit again (soon) but shows NO emotion or excitement otherwise and is more cordial and civil than conversational…..but had ZERO trouble talking or “leading him on” during his visit. And, he’s even already sent her flowers.
While I know her somewhat well, not well enough to pry or ask, especially noting SHE has mentioned nothing and is trying to seemingly keep it private. But perplexingly enough prior t meeting him COMPLAINED constantly how men were trying to “play her” only interested in “one thing” and how she’d REALLY love to get married and start a family. I told her this man WAS and IS honest and sincere and IS looking for a REAL partner and commitment and she was excited. Now it seems she’s cooled off. He can’t figure her out, and neither can I.
Can anyone else explain this seemingly “unstable” reaction and behaviour

I don't see anything "unstable." You introduced the two of them, but what happens from there on is their business and not yours. Whether the relationship moves forward or never goes anywhere is between the two of them alone. If it doesn't go anywhere, it isn't because there is anything wrong with either of the people.
I wouldn't get involved in the middle. If either asks you too, decline. Simply say that you introduced each other because you thought the two of them might hit it off, but what happens from there is between them.
Holy cow!
You keep posting about this and getting pretty much the same response. What response are you hoping for?
Not only is your co-worker not behaving in an "unstable" manner (especially given some of the other details you've posted about this guy), you really need to stay out of this.
And just because someone is looking for the same things you are in a relationship, doesn't mean that they are right for you! That's just ONE element of the total package.
Sheri
Unfortunately I think you are all misunderstanding. SHE came to me asking me to meet this guy. I set it up, and upon everyone's advice I have decided that it WAS best to let it unfold between the two of them.
While part of me still feels that female friens "do" chat about life topics including relationship (but also work, family, etc) and since she has willingly revealed certain aspects of her life didn't think I was overstepping any boundaries by showing interest and asking how it was going. Still, I've kept my tongue quiet and kept to my own business.
Friend of family however, would like to visit and asked what, as a woman MY feeling were. I explained that each woman is different and that I couldn't speak for anyone but myself.
However, since BOTH has indicated wanted to get into a serious relationship and NOT play the usual games and each KNEW where the other lived, I was surprised that he conveyed she was keeping this cool, especially since he was making every effort to keep it going and be sincere.
I DO NOT want to intervene or run their lives or relationship. I was merely making an inquest of other intelligent women who know the value of a decent relationship and how REALLY good men are hard to find, and see what they felt about the situation (since I've been out of the dating scene since my 20s) and NOT wanting to see a fabulous female make perhaps a grave mistake.
But I do thank you for your input.
Hmm, ok. It doesn't sound like we have same definitions of "not getting involved" but ok ;-).
Again, the mere fact that they want the same thing DOES NOT mean they are otherwise right for each other. You made the introduction, now let it go!
And you've asked the question several times before and gotten pretty much the same response each time (that she's being smart to take things slowly, especially since the guy is coming on so strong) so I guess I don't understand why you're asking AGAIN. You don't seem to like that answer--but that doesn't mean it's not a good response!
Sheri
Speaking as a woman who does NOT like to chat to my female friends about "life topics" (I actually like the anonymous forum out here), maybe she doesn't want to talk to you about it!
I don't see how your coworker is behaving in an "unstable" manner. Maybe she enjoyed hanging out with the man for that one weekend. It doesn't mean she should have fallen head-over-heels for him. He might be a great guy, but that doesn't mean he's the "right" one for her.
And yes, you should stay out of it. They are adults and perfectly capable of proceeding (or not proceeding) without your help.
Take care.