Too young for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Too young for him?
3
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 12:14pm

Alright... I met this guy 2 weeks ago in a bday party and we hit it off. Then he asked me out on a few date. He's 35 and I am 23. Now he's telling me I am too young for him and he wants to talk about it.

I mean if we get along and have fun.... does it really matter that he is 12 years older than me? I didn't hit on him frist. For me age is not a problem and I've always gone for older guys. And I am told by everyone (even this guy) that I act like 28. He guessed I was 28! So guys are werid and this guy is contradicting...

HELP...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 2:13pm
Not too sure what he wants to say on the subject? Age is something neither one of you can change. I think he just doesn't know what other people may say so he is going to play the age card. I would see what he has to say. If you don't like it - move on. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 6:54pm

<< I mean if we get along and have fun.... does it really matter that he is 12 years older than me?>>

If you were 33 and he was 45, that 12 year age gap wouldn't matter as much. But, at 23, you're "not there" yet. And because you're not there yet, there isn't any way that I can fully explain it that will make "perfect sense" because you're not there yet. ;-)

However, I'll attempt to explain it and hopefully it will make some sense: your 20s are a CRITICAL decade in life. It's really unlike any other time in your life because it is that ONE period in life that is between adolescence and being adult. It's like a transitionary decade.

Sure, yes, at 23 you are *technically* an adult. But, you're not yet who you are meant to be. This is largely the reason why, many young adults who get married in their early 20s, end up questioning things by the time they're in the late 20s --when they start to truly come into their own. Couples who align early in adulthood, they are LUCKY if they end up growing, changing and evolving at the same pace and end up wanting the same things.

So, at 23, you're not yet who you're meant to be. If you were 10 years older, you'd be there. If you were 5 years older, you'd be CLOSE to being there, so sure ... he'd likely give a 28-y/o a chance. But, 23 ... you're not there yet.

Therefore, the age difference wouldn't matter as much if you were even 5 years older. I know, you can disagree and say that you know what you want, who you are, etc ... that you ACT older, etc ... but, check back in 10 years and you'll say "ok, I know what you meant."

Secondly, you said "we get along and have fun" ... a) you've only known him for 2 weeks, so all you know at this point is that you have a "spark" but you don't yet know if you truly get along ...and b) while having fun together is important, at 35, he may be looking for more than "we get along and have fun."

It depends on his objectives for dating and whether or not he's looking for a PARTNER or a "good time girl." His << telling me I am too young for him and he wants to talk about it >> leads me to think that he's not looking for just a "we have fun together" type of relationship.

<< I didn't hit on him frist.>>

Did he know your age when he asked you out?

<< And I am told by everyone (even this guy) that I act like 28. He guessed I was 28! >>

But, you're not 28. Acting and being are two different things. I think when you get to a point where people don't have to say "but you act older" ... that's when you're ready for a serious relationship. ;-) When you actually ARE that age, kwim?

<< So guys are werid and this guy is contradicting...>>

In what way is he contradictory? He didnt know how old you were when he first met you. Now that you've been on a few dates, he's realizing that you're too young for him. There's nothing contradictory about that. Dating is, by nature, a process of elimination. It's a process of figuring out if you want to keep dating this person, and the possiblity of a relationship. If, upon figuring out that the other person isn't "relationship material" (based on one's own goals and standards), you figure it out sooner than later ... then, if a relationship is your goal ... what's the point of continuing to date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 5:19pm

Human beings frequently contradict themselves.

,