torn =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
torn =(
5
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 2:52am

OK...first off...how do you know for sure when you're in love with someone??

I'm 19 years old and have had the same boyfriend since I was 17. When I was 15-16 there was this guy, Tex, and he was my absolute best friend ever. We both had a huge crush on each other but he had a gf and I had a bf at the time. He joined the army in 2004 and is now in Colorado. We talk constantly!!! I find myself hanging up with my boyfriend at 10 saying "I'm tired I think I'm gonna go to sleep" then talking to Tex til 2 or later! I love this guy to death. If it comes down to him or my boyfriend, it's him. I know it's him, my friends and family know it's him. How do I break the news to my boyfriend of almost 2 years? And am I a terrible person for having these feelings towards another guy? I don't know what to do...someone help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: prettygirlsbs
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 6:23am

Hi and welcome to the board!


You ask some tough questions there chik... ;o) Not sure if I have the correct answers, but I feel I know the answers from my own perspective...


With being in love, I don't think there's a stock answer really. For me, I just know. It's a different feeling that that overwhelming infatuation, there's a complete caring behind it as well. And though I'd love to define it for you (and I just wrote it out), it doesn't really encompass what being in loves means to me. There's so much more than what could be put into words. I know that's not an answer, so I apologize! LOL


As for your friend, let me ask you this: Are you willing to risk what you have with your boyfriend on the possibility of something maybe happening with your friend? Are you 100% sure about this? If you are, the only way to really let your boyfriend down is as nicely as possible. After two years, it's sure to be hard. But just do it with compassion and love (love of him as a person) and that will help. I'm not saying he won't be upset but at the end of the day, you also have to live life and follow your heart.


Hope this helps. Keep us posted on how things go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: prettygirlsbs
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:42pm
The things I feel for my friend are much stronger than what I feel for my boyfriend. My friend makes me laugh, and smile, and get all giggly and girly. I get butterflies when I see him around. And when we talk on the phone and hang up i'm like a kid in a candy shop going "OMG I LOVE HIM!!!" My mom told him back in 2004 before he left for basic training "Soulmates always find their way back to each other. And I can tell you now, you two are soulmates." And he remembers it. And I believe it. He's fun & the relationship we have now is fun. My boyfriend on the other hand is very serious. He's looking at engagement rings. I'm 19!! I don't want to get married anytime soon. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and I haven't had the chance to grow. Plus, my boyfriend is driving me nuts! He calls like 5 times a day & is always asking "What time'd you fall asleep? When'd you get up? You need to wake up earlier from now on. Why aren't you talking?" and it drives me crazy!!!! Help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: prettygirlsbs
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:20pm

<< How do I break the news to my boyfriend of almost 2 years? And am I a terrible person for having these feelings towards another guy? I don't know what to do...someone help!!>>

Ah, you're young and have so much to learn (I remember those days well, sigh)

My first question would be: does Tex know how you feel about him? (I"m guessing not)

Regardless though, whether anything is "in the cards" for you and Tex or not, it seems that you and your BF have grown apart. Teenage relationships aren't really meant to last FOREVER, ya know? ;-)

You're growing up. You want to know what else is out there. That's fine. That's normal. Your BF doesn't need to know about Tex. Why? Because TEX isn't the issue. The issue is that you are 19 y/o and there are other fish in the sea. This isn't the time in your life to be tied down to one guy, and sheesh, if he's looking at engagement rings ... CLEARLY you aren't on the same page.

Chalk it up to a learning experience: its calling growing up and moving forward.

Just let your BF know that you're at a point in your life where you don't want to be committed to one person. He will surely be hurt, upset, etc ... but hon, it's part of life ...you'll break hearts, you'll get your heart broken. It's life. Besides that fact that, deep down, YOU aren't doing HIM any favors by staying in a relationship that you're not 100% committed to, kwim?

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: prettygirlsbs
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:54pm

Tex does know how I feel & he feels the same way....he told me the other day that he's tired of dating girls just to be dating and that he's now out to find the one he can spend the rest of his life with. And then he made the comment that he wants to date me...which makes me think he can see us together...which is greatttt!

I know teenage relationships aren't always going to last forever. And my 2 best friends are now engaged and have been together shorter than me and my bf but I just can't even imagine being engaged at this point in time. I'm wayyy to young for any of that!!

My boyfriend knows about Tex...he knows we've liked each other before and that he's my best friend in the entire world. And now he's even more possessive and jealous. Like...Tex comes home on Friday (which happens to be my 19th birthday...yay!!) and I'm busy all day Friday with a ceremony for my brother and registering for classes and getting my nails done so I'm seriously busy. But my bf is like "I'm gonna come over. Ill just hang at your house and watch tv until you get back from the ceremony." and he's only doing it because he knows Tex may stop by. And I REALLY want to see him!

Me and my bf broke up in July for like 3 days...I dumped him and he called me and came by my house every day that we were apart and would cry and beg and so I took him back because I felt so bad. And now it sucks and I wish I had stayed true to myself and not gotten back with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
In reply to: prettygirlsbs
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:28am
no, you definitely don't. I was with my boyfriend for a little over a year and yeah, even though i loved/love him... i'd still think about one of my old crushes; someone who i had dated for a long time.. like if he was with anyone and bla bla.. it's normal.. its like he was once mine, so no one else can have him.. but i think you just need to find out from Tex that if he definitely wants to be with you.. then you need to talk to your current boyfriend about how you really feel.. cuz stringing him along is not good either..