Torn between heart and mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Torn between heart and mind
1
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 8:38am
Hi, I'm dating a man who is the same age as me, 25 for the last 3 years. I was very happy with him and I loved him. But the last 2-3 weeks I have gotten to know this other man who is 20 years my senior and I have so much to talk with him.
I live with my current boyfriend for the last 7 months but I do most of the housework from cooking to cleaning. I also work part-time on top of a full-time education. He is in the same education as me.
My boyfriend I felt has been neglecting me and now take me for granted. He doesn't enjoy what I am interested and vice versa for me with him.
This new guy shares a lot in common with me in terms of interests and what I like most about him is that he cares about me. He praises me and he is funny. He calls me and emails me almost everyday. My boyfriend is a less frequent caller. He likes to spend more time with his friends, family or his computer. He isn't a romantic. He doesn't like to include me in his activities.
When I told my boyfriend that I'm going to dump him because we're drifting apart and we don't seem to enjoy each other's company anymore, he was making a big fuss by crying and promising me he'll do more housework. I don't think it will last that long. I feel the flame in my heart has died out for him and I couldn't prevent it. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know what to do. I can't make people sad like my current boyfriend sobbing and being angry with me. I feel guilty but at the same time, I feel unhappy. I've lost my appetite and weight.
My boyfriend can't promise to marry me but yet he says he doesn't want to lose me and says that I'm the only one.
I need advice asap!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will appreciate any that you can give me!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 12:01pm
Break up with your boyfriend...both of you deserve to be free to pursue people who really love them. You are involved in an emotional affair, you have checked out of your primary relationship and are in the throes of a 'flirtation'. The beginning is always exciting, the grass appears greener over there. You've never been with an older man and maybe you don't know it, but you're at your peak, a hot commodity for this older guy. Of course he's going to be sweet to you, he's waiting for you to fall into his lap, literally. and that's fine if you want to pursue this, you are entitled. But not entitled to cheat on your boyfriend.
You're out for a lot of drama, the way you're threatening your bf to break up. Just break up and move out. THEN pursue the older guy.