Torn between two
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| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:39pm |
The problem is that I have this notion of what my life is supposed to look like, and it seems to be holding me back. I've had a crush (which started before we started dating) on this guy who is a concert pianist & has so much in common with me. It seems that we want to lead a very similar lifestyle. I don't mean "lifestyle" as in money, I just mean that I always pictured myself traveling and I'm into art and classical music and literature, and I don't have these or much else in common with the guy I'm seeing now. "The crush" seems to be everything I thought I wanted, down to physical apperance (which isn't important, but most people gravitate toward a "type").
I don't know how the crush feels about me, but that isn't really the point anyway. How much do my notions of how things are supposed to be matter? I don't want to throw away something really good, but I don't want to have regrets either. Any advice?

Just make sure you end one thing before starting another.
It's not really that I'm unsure of him, I'm more just unsure of how to let go of thinking my life is supposed to be one way and with a particular kind of person. This crush isn't really the important part, it's more about me and the fear that I am just standing in the way of my own happiness b/c I'm falling for someone I didn't think I would have. One guy is everything I want emotionally, and the other is everything I want on paper (I don't know him well enough yet to assess much more).
If you're not living the life you want, why not start changing things? Why not set a few goals of things that you could change that would put you a little closer to the life you dream of? If you want to go travelling, why don't you? You don't HAVE to go with this guy, get a girl friend to save up with you for a fun trip. If you enjoy something and the guy isn't interested, join a group of people who do enjoy it. You don't HAVE to like everything your guy likes and vice versa. Invite him to do the things with you that interest you and MAKE A POINT to try out something that HE likes. You may find out that you like something you never thought you would, and he might find out the same. Or you can suggest that you both try something new together.
The possibilities are endless.
Forget about this other guy though, you need to work with the one you have before you start looking somewhere else. If after a few months of trying to work in some new things you still feel the same, then at least you can say you tried.
Good luck