Totally Confused
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| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 6:16pm |
For the past 8 months I have been torn between two men. One man I have been with for 4 year. We are best friends and I worry about him not being in my life if we were not together as a couple. We have a good relationship. About 1 year ago we talked about marriage. He had been married before and he indicated he was unsure if he wanted to be married and thought we would always have seperate places.
Then, another man become interested in me. I have known him for some time and was always attracted to him. His interest in me shocked me though as I thought he was only interested in me as a friend. He is married and his wife knows about us. I think we would leave his wife but I don't want to be responsible for that. However, I am so attracted to him and do care for him a lot.
Now, my signficant other has changed his tune and wants to get married and commit.
I hope this doesn't sound too horrible but it is tearing me up inside!

I really really care for the "sure thing" but can't help that I love talking to this other guy as well. I know he does love me and I have tried really hard to stay away from a relationship with him. I know one day he will probably not want to put up with my indeciveness. I back off yet don't want him to back off. It is crazy!
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I can't believe what I have done. That I would entertain and spend time with someone else that is not my significant other. I can't seem to figure out if I am not in love or what??? How can I want to spend time with someone, not want them to back away, yet not so easily walk away from the relationship I am in? I know I am not being fair to either of them. I am afraid to make a wrong decision...so I make none. I have been waiting for something to tell me what to do. It just hasn't happened.
Is has been one of the most difficult times in my life I think. Boy I sure do like seeing this other guy. He is married and I have tried to keep that in mind but he is so open with his feelings for me and has been up front with his wife on where is heart is...you just can't help not care for him. He has been more honest in some respects than I have!