Treading scary water here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Treading scary water here!
9
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 7:20pm
Okay--Since it's been 1 1/2 years since my last relationship I am ready to move on. Here is the thing...I have joined an online dating service and have never done anything like this before! Any suggestions, feedback or anyone who has done this and can share experiences with me--I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:51pm
I've done the online dating thing for a while now..on and off. The first thing I will tell you is to not take rejection personally. My first week, I had many responses but out of more than 15, only 2 went on to further communication. The others either I said no thanks or they did.

My opinion is to chat and/or exchange a few emails to get to know each other. I usually won't meet someone without an email or two and I want to talk on the phone with them at least once first. My gut instinct about people is good and by talking with them, I generally had a good idea as to whether this was someone I could be interested in or not. And whether I felt safe meeting them.

I suggest meeting someome for coffee or lunch, following common sense safety precautions.

Realize you will likely meet a lot of people whom you will never see again--either by their choice or yours. Don't be afraid to tell someone you aren't interested. I usually tell them the indescripable something that needs to be there for this to continue isn't there for me.

Think of online dating as a bar. You will meet a lot of people but it may take several visits to find someone you like.

Which online dating site are you on?

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 3:46am
Hey now its my turn to respond. My cousin did this and she ended up marrying the guy and they are really happy.

My word of advise would be to be EXTRA SAFE! If you find someone you are truely interested in perhaps meeting, Do a background check an extensive one.

Just a few months ago I heard about a online relationship that was not what it seemed. The guy was a total fraudulant freak. So just be careful you seem like a nice person.

Only meet for coffee and with a tag a long friend by your side.Good Luck!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:19am
Yahoo personals and I am getting bombarded by emails, etc. daily--I'm just not sure how to screen out all these guys--alot of them are attractive and I am picky-so
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:25am
Yes, thank you, I plan on being very cautious. However I am not planning on meeting anyone anytime soon-want to get to them them first. And I would never do it at his home or mine and it would have to be in public. This is why I was aking for advice--I mean I have no idea what is an acceptable time frame for talking vs meeting or calling--really a virgin with this.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 10:53am
It's not possible to get to know someone by email. You have to meet in person and spend time with them in person in order to do that. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking they "know" someone they've been emailing or calling, and they let their guard down too soon after meeting in person, only to find out after they REALLY get to know the person that what they thought they knew wasn't correct.

Also, it's very common to think you have chemistry with someone you've talked to by phone and email, only to meet in person and realize that there's nothing there. That's why people who are experienced in online dating recommend meeting after exchanging a few emails and talking on the phone once or twice briefly (i.e., no 2 hour phone calls!). Meet for coffee; that way, it's just 30-45 minutes out of your day and if you don't click, it's no big deal.

Sheri



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:39pm
That is where I reconnected with my boyfriend!! We had gone to the same high school, and were two years apart. We never spoke to eachother back then, only gave sly glances across the room. Three years later, we met on match. He wrote me and asked for a date and only afterward did he realize that we had gone to the same school. We started off as friends, with a lot in common, and it blossomed into a serious relationship. It is a good way to meet people, be wined and dined, and have a great time even if nothing develops. Just be careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:08pm
well, do be carefull and trust your gut.

I had joined lavalife and met this guy who I talked to for a few days, emails back and forth. We exchanged msn messenger addresses and were able to chat more in real time the weekend following our first email. He kept asking me to meet him that week, that I seemed really nice and please meet him. I asked him what the rush was. He said, "well, I've been talking to this other girl for the last few months and she finally agreed to meet me next weekend, but if I meet you first and we hit it off, then I can tell HER OUR GOOD NEWS."

I stopped talking to him after that, too much for me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 4:49am
Thanks to everyone for their replies, even though in some ways I am still in the dark, tell me ladies--how do you know --what are some tell tale signs that he is REALLY single? Are there any? And what are they? What do I look for? Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 11:30am
Well, I wouldn't know. I got together with one guy who I found out was married. LOL Ended that then and there, even moved out of that town! Funny thing is that two years later, some other mistress this guy had calls me up telling me she wants her life back and that I have to stop seeing him. I hadn't seen him in 2 years. LOL And it wasn't the WIFE that called me, that's the weird part....

But I think just asking him straight out if he's dating other people is a fair way to go. If he's gonna lie, it's gonna be then. Other than that, I guess you have to trust your gut?

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