Trouble with my six year relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Trouble with my six year relationship
1
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:07pm
I've been in this relationship with my boyfriend, David, for the last six years. Three weeks ago he broke up with me because he said that we were just not working out. The reason was because for the past 6 months I shut him out emotionally and didn't realize it. The past 6 months of my life have been really bad, two deaths in my family, my favorite cat disappears out of nowhere, my family had to sell our house that three generations grew up in, etc. Nothing went well this year but what I didn't realize what I was doing was pushing away the most important part of my life, David. During those six months he wanted me to move to another state with him to get away from everything here and start a new life with only him. I told him I couldn't and over and over again he pleaded to trust him and just go. I kept pushing him away until he couldn't take the pain anymore and broke up with me. I couldn't go because I had way too much stress here and I'm so afraid of change. They say you don't know what you have until you lose it!! There couldn't be more truth to that. David gave me so much love and I was scared to take it. He gave me everything and I was so blind to see it because I was too wrapped up in myself and my pain. His feelings have completely shut down which is totally understandable. He is now talking to me and letting me tell him how sorry I am and how I want to work everything out with him. He doesn't really trust me right now. We saw each other last night for the first time since we broke up and he was very uneasy about it. He said he still has a lot of resentment towards me, which I can totally understand. He told me that he wants more than anything to let me back into his life but he doesn't know how to do that, he doesn't know how to get rid of this pain and resentment. I told him I will do whatever it takes to get him back and to teach him to love the way he loved again. He told me that right now he just needs my understanding. I don't know what to do now. I don't know if he needs his space (he didn't say he did), or if I should call him to tell him I love him every once in a while or will time heal his wounds? I want to show him how much I love him and need him but I don't know how to treat this situation because it is such a delicate subject, he can either go one way or the other. Does anyone have any ideas, I would love feedback!!!! Thank you so much for reading!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 6:52pm
kalina1982...

Pianoguy has a question for you....and please don't take it the wrong way!

"How did you expect David to react after being "shut out" and "dismissed by you" for the past 6 months?" Everything he could think of to help you get over the sad situations in your life...HE TRIED TO DO! But...

You weren't interested in letting him 'help you heal!'

So I'll bet David has run out of ideas...patience...or both!

I'm very sorry about all your losses and misfortune, but ALL OF US have these! (Pianoguy will spare you his sad stories). Anyway...you might want to start putting DAVID first...instead of yourself! There are NO GUARANTEES that he'll regain his trust and confidence in you enough to take you back. But whether he does or not, you've GOT to learn that the only way to succeed at ANY RELATIONSHIP is to 'get over yourself' and be willing to compromise.

Maybe this is the way you can grow from a scared little girl into an understanding woman?

Best wishes, warm thoughts and lots of luck in meeting this challenge in your life!

Pianoguy