Trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Trust
5
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:00am
I recently am ending relationship of 2 months with my boyfriend..we have talked about it and its almost over..I am not sad at all and would like to move on with my life and date others. A guy already asked me to play a sport together for fun after we had a drink a few days ago and it went well. Its wierd he asked me for a drink even though he knew i had a boyfriend. Anyway, when we had a drink, i told him im basically almost single and we got along great. The sport date is this Friday. He then keeps flirting about it, and asking and telling me that he wants to cook me dinner. I am 21 and in college and he lives a little bit off campus in the grad school area. He is a grad student and is 24. He keeps suggesting he cooks me dinner which nice, but I dont really know him yet and don't feel safe going to his house. How do i tell him i dont mind if he takes me to dinner or something else but that i dont really know him yet..how do i say im interested but w o basiclaly telling him i dont trust him. I need to do it in a sly way haha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:23am

Question for you: is the dinner date right after the sport date? If so, you will be sweaty and gross so you may not want to eat a special dinner afterwards anyway, maybe more like a quick bite at a local raw bar or burger hangout. So you can approach it like that. Maybe something like, "I would be more up for a quick bite afterwards at a casual raw bar or burger place." The way that this statement is phrased demonstrates that you have a preference and you are not too shy to voice that preference, without being negative. The key here is to not focus on the negative of a dinner cooked at the house (which to me personally, implies sex). In other words, you wouldn't want to say, "I am not comfortable eating dinner at your house so soon in dating you." That is, if you want to continue dating this guy.

I don't blame you for being concerned. Possibly one reason he keeps mentioning cooking dinner because he needs to see if it is one of your "buttons" that can be pushed to elicit an emotional response from you or to see if you understand that it could imply sex. It could be a very nice way of saying "I would like to have sex with you, but I wont' phrase it that way." But one cannot be 100% sure. I find it odd and disconcerting that he keeps repeating it.

Good luck and have fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:30am
The sports date was the first thing we planned. he asked me to play after he saw me playing with someone else. Then he asked me for a drink. He then said before we did the sports date about cooking dinner. the sports date and the cooking dinner are not on the same day..im pretty sure.
Im not interested in random sex with this guy. Now that you say that, I get the feeling he is into sex. He broke up w his gf a few months ago and he told me when we had a drink he doesnt want something serious..the thing is, neither do I..I wanna take things slow but tings develop and when u meet a person u click with, a relationship naturally just happens. I will have to say something that i would prefer to go out to a public place? I dont wanna tell him i dont trust him but i would rather just rather go out w o mentioning i dont wanna go to his house alone. Whats a way i can mention dinner out and c if hes just interested in sex or me? I am interested in him..it could be fun. I just wanna be safe and show him Im not gonna sleep w him randomly..i wanna be wood and taken out and not sleep with him suddenly.


Edited 4/11/2007 11:34 am ET by tunatartar
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:16pm
Okay, thanks for clarifying. He said he doesn't want anything "serious", which means casual, which means sex ,and most men ususally have a tunnel vision about these things. This compares to you, who would just see where it goes without restricting its potential. You want to take things slow, he didn't say that. Im not saying this guy is definitely one who is stuck in his tunnel, but it could go either way. I still stand by, "I would be more up for a dinner out, I eat in all the time." He could hesitate, which could mean lack of cash or just cheap, not just "all I want is sex". If that is the case, he has no business dating. Try the above mentioned phrase to feel him out and see if you still want to try to date him. You might be pleasantly surprised.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:44pm
OK, so maybe don't say, "I don't want to go to your house because we just met and you might be a friggin' psycho!" but what is wrong with honesty? Any decent guy will understand that a woman these days would not want to be stuck in some strange guy's house alone. If he is a decent guy, then saying something to the effect that you would like to get to know him better before going to his house should not be a big deal! That not only tells him that you don't wanna go there, but you are clearly not interested in having sex with him already (in case that is what he is REALLY asking, as the other poster said). If he just wants to cook, there are plenty of chances for that later as you guys pursue a relationship. If he gets bent out of shape, who cares?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:17pm
Your reaction is understandable, tell him that
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