Trust issue in the way???
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Trust issue in the way???
| Fri, 10-14-2005 - 3:34pm |
I need some advice- (Sorry if long)
Background Info;
I broke up wiith me ex in march after a 6 year relationship b/c he did not want to get married to me and started to cheat. (am only 23). I started flirting and messing around with a coworker/friend (Justin) . It has been going on since may. I have dated other guys since the breakup but not since June/july. Mainly because I really like Justin and would not mind having a relationship with him. Justin and I talk everyday normally for about on hour on the phone and we see each other in the mornings for in hour or less at work. I know that Justin Likes me (or at least he says so) and his actions lead me to believe so. Justin will leave me notes that say "someone loves you" at my desk. Justin has said that in 10 years we will be married with 2 kids. We talk about everything from religion,sex, family, exes, friends, and work.
The only time we almost said I love you to each other is when we got into a fight, I told him that he doesn't love me (i meant to say like) and can't talk to me like that. He said "you're wrong I do love you". Remember that we have not really dated or have any type of relationship.
Okay My Problem is that I guess I do want a relationship or atleast know where I stand in his mind. (so I know how to act or to move on). He says that the only reason why we are not together is because his ex of 4 years also cheated and he has major trust issues. (So do I) But Justin assumes that if I talk to someone else I like them ( He has no confidence in this area). I want to know is this just an excuse because he doesn't like me like that or is it a real problem?(I think it is a real problem but am willing to work through it). If so How can I show him that I will not cheat on him? I already told him that I don't think it is fair because I never have given him a reason not to trust me and I have never disrespected him! So what do you think about this? Help Please! Are we just friends/coworkers or more already??????
Background Info;
I broke up wiith me ex in march after a 6 year relationship b/c he did not want to get married to me and started to cheat. (am only 23). I started flirting and messing around with a coworker/friend (Justin) . It has been going on since may. I have dated other guys since the breakup but not since June/july. Mainly because I really like Justin and would not mind having a relationship with him. Justin and I talk everyday normally for about on hour on the phone and we see each other in the mornings for in hour or less at work. I know that Justin Likes me (or at least he says so) and his actions lead me to believe so. Justin will leave me notes that say "someone loves you" at my desk. Justin has said that in 10 years we will be married with 2 kids. We talk about everything from religion,sex, family, exes, friends, and work.
The only time we almost said I love you to each other is when we got into a fight, I told him that he doesn't love me (i meant to say like) and can't talk to me like that. He said "you're wrong I do love you". Remember that we have not really dated or have any type of relationship.
Okay My Problem is that I guess I do want a relationship or atleast know where I stand in his mind. (so I know how to act or to move on). He says that the only reason why we are not together is because his ex of 4 years also cheated and he has major trust issues. (So do I) But Justin assumes that if I talk to someone else I like them ( He has no confidence in this area). I want to know is this just an excuse because he doesn't like me like that or is it a real problem?(I think it is a real problem but am willing to work through it). If so How can I show him that I will not cheat on him? I already told him that I don't think it is fair because I never have given him a reason not to trust me and I have never disrespected him! So what do you think about this? Help Please! Are we just friends/coworkers or more already??????

southshell...
Pianoguy thinks Justin is a good friend (as well as a co-worker). BEYOND THAT...the desire to "get together" (quoting the HUGE HIT from the Youngbloods) seems stronger on your side than on his?
You really have 2 choices:
1. Keep things the way they are.......which is comfortable for him and frustrating for you!
OR
2. Push the envelope, ask for specific answers, and run the risk of completing ending the good friendship the two of you have?
I don't think you have to hang on indefinitely....but your relationship with Justin has only been in gear for 5 months. If you were celebrating a 1st or 2nd year anniversary together as a couple then you have cause for worry. But you need to give Justin time to get past his 'reservations' about commitment. If he has already told you that the 2 of you will be married within the next 10 years, you can choose to accept his words or 'push the envelope and wind up with nothing?'
Pianoguy
Justin is under the impression that the two of you will get married and have children but I don't get how he plans to accomplish this without getting into some sort of dating relationship with you first.
Justin seems to have a lot of issues. Rather than begging Justin for his trust, perhaps you should put yourself in the drivers seat on this. Tell Justin exactly what you have told us here. Then tell him that you enjoyed your deep discussion and morning chats but unless the two of you start seeing each other, the conversation will have to end. You don't see the point in flirting with somebody who doesn't have any intentions of dating.
Justin is getting friendship and intimacy from you without having a relationship. So this situation is very safe for him, he doesn't have to invest any time, money or effort, and he can get out of it whenever he wishes. He can either step up to the plate to get what he wants or you won't have to waste any more time waiting for Justin to ask you out on a date.