Trusting again
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Trusting again
| Thu, 02-01-2007 - 10:23am |
Hello all!
I met this guy about a month ago….I really like him, and I look forward to continuing to (slowly) get closer to him, and get to know him more and more. However, I’m terrified that I’ll be disappointed again. The last few guys I’ve dated turned out to be liars. They were either married, still with their exes, or seeing other people, making me think that I was the only one. Now, I don’t know how to trust again. I want to trust men again; however, I truly don’t know how. I don’t want to push this guy away because I think he’s a good guy. Of course, I thought the others were “good guys”, too. They weren’t….
Any advice on how to move past the past, and try again? As I’ve said, I’m taking things slowly, as I’ve always done. I always thought that going slowly would protect me from getting hurt. Although I’ve learned that this isn’t always the case, I still prefer to move slowly…
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I met this guy about a month ago….I really like him, and I look forward to continuing to (slowly) get closer to him, and get to know him more and more. However, I’m terrified that I’ll be disappointed again. The last few guys I’ve dated turned out to be liars. They were either married, still with their exes, or seeing other people, making me think that I was the only one. Now, I don’t know how to trust again. I want to trust men again; however, I truly don’t know how. I don’t want to push this guy away because I think he’s a good guy. Of course, I thought the others were “good guys”, too. They weren’t….
Any advice on how to move past the past, and try again? As I’ve said, I’m taking things slowly, as I’ve always done. I always thought that going slowly would protect me from getting hurt. Although I’ve learned that this isn’t always the case, I still prefer to move slowly…
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

rivegauche25...
Pianoguy recalls an old proverb: "Time Heals All Wounds!" .
The point is...you NEED to give yourself more than a month to see if the relationship is going to take hold? If you spend all your free time comparing the past failures, you'll probably end up disappointed? If you give yourself...and the man you're interested in...enough TIME to understand and trust each other...many of your fears will probably disapear?
It's not easy for any of us who have been 'burned once, twice or more times' to regain enough confidence and assume that EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER NOW! Even the best, most solid relationships (including long-time marriages) contain the possibility of emotional hurt or heartbreak.
This is what ALL OF US face when we choose to share ourselves with someone else.
Keep your chin up and hope for the best...okay?
Pianoguy
Read "When Your Lover is a Liar" by Susan Forward. It has a section at the end of the book on trusting again. One important point she makes is that you will almost certainly get hurt again--you can't avoid that risk altogether. But since you have gotten over hurt before, you know you will be able to get over it again.
I also think it's important to let a new man earn your trust over time by showing you consistent words and actions. That doesn't mean you have to *distrust* him at first--just that you're neutral and evaluating him. If something seems off, then don't be afraid to ask questions (not in a rude way, just in a conversational way). That's not to say you will never be fooled by a good liar again--you may very well be. But even if that happens and you get hurt, you'll be ok. But more often than not, if you pay attention, you'll be able to determine pretty early on whether or not someone is trustworthy, and if you see signs that they are not, you'll know to walk away sooner rather than later.
Sheri