Trying to figure out this guy
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| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:35am |
There is a (really cute) fellow grad student at my school who always seems to be staring at me. Months before I even met him, I noticed that he seemed to be watching me a lot, but he never introduced himself. We finally met when we both went to a swing dance lesson at school and he grabbed me as a partner when it was time to pair up. He was really quite charming and even (gasp) flirtateous during the lesson (joking about how he was going to come to my office and ask me to dance), and I was instantly attracted to him, but I was dating someone else at the time, so I was friendly and light-hearted during the lesson, but not necessarily in a position to flirt back.
However, I have since broken up with my boyfriend and am now trying to make an effort to get to know this guy better, but while I still catch him staring at me, he doesn't seem to be responding much to my efforts. When I see him at school, I usually go out of my way to talk to him, and he's very friendly, but never lingers for very long. He often walks by my office, and usually looks in at me, but never stops by to chat. Meanwhile, I've given him what I would consider a few big openings to get to know me better, but he's not taking advantage of any of them. For example, I invited him to be on the email list of the group of people that I usually go rock climbing with, after he happened to show up at our favorite climbing gym (and turned out to be quite the climbing enthusiast!). He said sure, he'd like that, and I added him, but he never came with us or showed up at the gym again. Similarly, I encouraged him to drop by my apartment to check out the special lighting I installed, after he mentioned wanting to do a similar thing in the apartment he's moving into down the street. Actually, he's the one who initially suggested this idea ("I'll have to come by and check it out."), I just encouraged him to feel free to do so, but again he never followed through.
Initially, I attributed this lack of follow-through to shyness, but now I'm starting to think that I must be misinterpreting the staring and the flirting. No one can possibly be that shy, right? (And he seems fine around other people.) He must not be interested in me after all.
The only other possible explanation that I can think of is that the signals I've been sending have been giving the message "I'm interested in you as a friend only." And given that he most likely knows I had a boyfriend not long ago (and may still for all he knows), he may be afraid to make a move. The solution to this would of course be simple: to slip some flirtateous comments into our next conversation, but (a) I'm completely terrified of putting myself out there like that generally (being friendly initially and then flirting later after I get more comfortable with the person always seems so much easier) and (b) I feel particularly anxious about it given the lack of response I've been getting. It just seems dumb to come on more strongly when he's not even responding to the efforts I'm already making.
What do you think? Is he interested? Or should I let this one go? And if interested, what should I do about it?

Hi Mary,
My personal opinion - if you are ok with making the first move, doing all the work and encouraging a passive person, go for it.
No, I'd say you've given this guy some pretty strong hints that you're interested in him!! Inviting him to your apartment to see your "special lighting"
Jilly