Twice my age!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Twice my age!
16
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 6:48pm

Ok, here's is my dilemma: I have recently started seeing a guy. He's great, we have fun, have tons of chemistry. It's going very well so far. However, he is twice my age. I am 20 and he is 42. And just to add icing to the cake, he works for the same company I do. First let me address the age issue: I have been told by many of my friends and family that I am quite a bit more mature than most girls my age. I run with an older crowd of friends (25-30 yrs old) so coming from them, that means a lot. I have a great career already started so I literally living in a grown-up world. So it's not really a suprise to me that I have formed friendships and, now a relationship, with someone so much older. But as great as it is and even though we get along great, I find myself really stressing about the age difference. I can't seem to get any constructive advice. And the more I think about the fact that he has had a whole life (literally!) before me, the more insecure I feel. The work issue isn't technically issue because there is nothing in our employee guidelines about inter-office dating. And I don't think anyone would be fired (our CEO met his wife at work) but I feel that if people found out i would not be taken seriously- as his girlfriend or as a colleague. I expect people to think a number of things already. "She is just after his money", "He's going through mid-life", "She's just arm-candy"....I've thought about them all.

If anyone has any solid, constructive advice or has dealt with this kind of situation, I would greatly appreciate a little insight.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 10:31am

Thanks Bnaka!

I needed that little boost of confidence.

Take care,

ashleyb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 3:01pm

I think my thoughts on this particular post are why would your family disapprove? Only because of his age? Personally, I would hope that any family would be happy for a child of theirs if that child found someone that treated them with respect and truly cared for them. It may seem idealistic, but I think parents and families just want their children to be happy. You might be surprised depending on the circumstances if/when you two do become serious and meet each others families.

You sound mature and like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just enjoy this relationship for what it is and go with it. If it develops into more, cross that bridge when you get there. Good luck.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 4:23pm

Well, the thing with the family is that I'm not positive how they would react. But I may never find out because I usually son't talk of anyone I'm seeing unless I was serious about them. My mom is very unpredictable with her reactions. Sometimes she takes things suprisingly well (and suprisingly horrible.) I just think it might be a real kicker to tell her "Hey Mom! I'm really serious about this great guy. I really want to be with him, he's super! Oh by the way, you two graduated from high school the same year."

You see how that could be a hard thing to tell her. Now matter how grown-up I am.

But on the other hand, I have alot of age differences in my family. Mostly are older women married to younger men, but I guess if they can do it, so can I.

Actually, all the couples with big age differences are the only ones not divorced. I just realized that.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 11:13pm
Things are going very well with my new relationship. except for a little daughter drama, everything is pretty good. Thanks to all the other members who posted encouraging and constructive viewpoints.


Edited 11/29/2005 1:20 am ET by ashleyb_3292
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:41am

I need advice!

My guy and I have been seeing each other for almost 2 months now and I've been invited several times to meet members of his family. Like going to his parents house for playing cards or hanging at the house with his daughter. Even tonight I was asked to go to his nephew's birthday party.

I just have so many reservations because I don't know if I will be accepted. I'm half his age and I feel like my age will always precede me.

I care about him alot and I think alot about him in my future. However, I don't know how to express these feelings I have without making things awkward between us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:19pm
Have fun. Best of luck!
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