Two guys.. how to decide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Two guys.. how to decide?
1
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 8:00pm

I have got into a huge dilemma... two guys are involved...

It started in spring when I met this guy who I totally fell for. But he had a girlfriend. We never did anything and he didn't really flirt with me either, but he's kept in touch with me all summer, he has really cared about me and remembered things that are important to me, wished me luck etc.. so many things that has showed that he really cares about me.

But all the time he's had a gf, they have been together 4 years and he told me it feels like they are just friends. I know it can sound like a trick to get me, but at the same time.. many couples who've been together for so long actually break up, especially since he's just a bit over 20. Since he told me that at a party this summer and kept contacting me I thought he'd broken up with his gf. So I was completely devastated when he mentioned her in the beginning of august.

Then I had met another guy who was very very interested in me, but I turned him down til that day I was so devastated. So we started dating and I actually became interested in him too. We have been dating for 3 weeks now. He's so great, but I haven't really felt that in love-feeling with him. He's really caring about me, he shows that all the time, he tells me I'm the best that has happened to him and how much he likes and cares about me. Sometimes I have seen sides of him that I don't like that much, like parts of his sense of humour. But still he is so good and I'm really comfortable with him. I know he's more in love with me than I'm in him, but I think this could turn out to be something really good.

But now guy w gf is back in town. We both go to college here. I was talking to him online tonight and he was really flirty and again showed me how much he also cares about him.
I don't know what to do. it feels wrong being all flirty with him online and at the same time date this other guy. guy w. gf saw me with this other guy once so he knows he exists, but maybe he doesn't know we're dating.
I just don't know what to do. I desperately want to stay friends with guy w gf, because guy friends are so rare, but I don't know what he thinks about us, if he has given up his gf or what. And at the same time I feel I can't give up what I and this other guy have.
please give me some advice on what to do! PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:15am
The other guy with the gf sounds fishy to me, am sorry to say. You need to put your foot down and not give in to his advances and interest. I don't think he has broken up with his gf, whatever signal he is sending you. Please let him know it's unacceptable since he has a girlfriend. He should value the relationship he is in and not fool around. If he wants to end that relationship, he should. If he wants you as a friend, then he should introduce you to his gf too. But with you having fallen for him, is it a good idea to be in the picture to begin with, when he is already involved with someone else? Nope. Don't lower yourself like this however nice or attractive he may seem. The fact is, he just might not be available. Draw your boundaries with this other guy or cut off with him, and concentrate on your date if you want to know him better without getting distracted with a taken guy.