Two Years, and praying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Two Years, and praying.
6
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:47am
I've been dating a woman for almost two years now, and I love her with all of my heart.

Being already divorced once, I've been a little stand-offish about marrage and children, enen though it's a big issue for her. A couple of times, nearly a year ago, we were making love, and she, being drunk, tried to force me to get her pregnant. It hurt me at the time, but I got over it, and she promised to never do it again. She didnt.

As time went on, I would feel like sex was dirty, and I was not really interested in it all the time. Soon after that, cuddling became a slight issue for me. I've been working on these things, because I love her.

Only recently, in the last two months, have my feelings changed back to more normal ways. I want to be with her more than anything. To hold and to cherish. I realize now that I want to marry her, to have children with her. To make a life. But I only realized all this just before she turned to another man because of my lack of attention. Were not technicaly "broken up". I recognize that her turning from me was my own fault, that I should have paid more attention, held her more, and loved her more. But now I fear that It's too late.

When we talk, I'm overcome by sorrow, and loss. I can't seen to stop crying for more than an hour at a time. She tells me that she still loves me, but she does not know what to do. When I ask her about the other man, and when they were intimate, she told me that it was not just sex. I know that she was drunk when they met, and drunk when they slept togther. So, I harbor much hope, but by default, hope is equal to pain. Pain because I feel like she's slipping away from me.

Is this really my fault?

Is there anything I can do?


-broken0ne

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:09pm
Before I answer further, please clarify: were the two of you in an exclusive relationship when she slept with the other man?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:26pm

I think it's actually

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 1:01pm
Exclusive, yes. We planned on being married.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 1:10pm
Ok. In that case, I would move on. A healthy person who truly values monogamy and fidelity would either try FIX the r'ship or end it, they won't cheat. So, she's either not healthy, doesn't value monogamy, or both. In any case, she's a bad bet for a serious, healthy, monogamous relationship.

There is no excuse for cheating. I don't care how bad your behavior was; she had a choice about how to deal with it and she chose to cheat. End of story.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 2:11pm
As hard is at it to accept right now, Your all correct. I should most likely try and begin the healing process. Thank you Sheri, and everyone else who posted.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:38pm

Ok, I missed the part where he said they were still together when she started sleeping with the other guy.

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