An ULTIMATUM or NOT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
An ULTIMATUM or NOT?
4
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 7:53pm

Money has always been an issue since i met my boyfriend the last three years. I have experienced his anger outbursts and verbal abuse throughout the relationship too. It has been a rollercoaster ride. I noticed his bad boy behavior always escalated when he was under stress SO it would lead me to make excuses for his outbursts and name calling. Regarding money i have always helped pay at least half for most of anything we have ever done together. I thought i was being UNDERSTANDING to his lack of finances but in retrospect know that i enabled him to stay in a rut a rut he has been in for ten years. Supposively he hit so rock bottom with money the past few months he now has this new outlook on making al ot of money like he did years ago.. he has told me before he lost interest because of a lost industry he was in or that his father passed away a year ago this or that.. He has depended on me to help him in a lot of ways all throughout our relationship..


He is going to start a new job this week and the pay is very low.. SO it looks as though i am waiting again to see if he is going to be able to really put some money aside for US. He has not put a timeframe on anything all he says to me is that when i start working i need to pay off my debts and he says it could take six or seven months.. i GUESS i am not satisfied at this point in time to be waiting around for him to get more stable.. if he truly wanted to commit to me in a real way he would be working whatever in addition to the new job. He has already told me that i will only get married if you really wanted too.


He wont even agree to take me to a concert a month from now because he wont spend a hundred dollars on a ticket.. i understand the principle of it and that he does owe people money but WHO is being put as priority. He has never done anything real special or that thoughtful.. for me. After three years he gets me a rose and

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 8:42pm

Ok, I'm not a fan of ultimatums ... ever.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 1:45pm

<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 4:58pm

I dont see a future for the two of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 10:32am

<< am truly hopeless at believing i can make this situation the way i want it to be if i motivate him enough. it used to be if i showed him enough love love i believe he never got growing up.. >>

You have to ask yourself if you want a project or a boyfriend. If you think you have to fix this guy or motivate him to get his own stuff together, then what you have is a fixer upper. Is that really what you want? Or would you rather have a guy that isn't "broken" in the first place?

Good luck,