Umm... What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
Umm... What?
3
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:01am

Why would a guy I've been slightly involved with appear concerned when he finds out that my ex has been staying with me on his visit home after saying in front of me that he's started to be interested in another girl who has a boyfriend?

Things had been great between us... even appeared that the possibility of something more may occur somewhere down the line and then all of a sudden things cooled off a bit. After speaking too him about the "other girl" thing he said nothing would ever happen... it was just a crush and it didn't change anything between us.I want to know what it didn't change... just the sex & hanging out thing or the (generally unspoken... but implied) possibility of something more. I now can't gauge how interested he would be in taking it further eventually because of this and it doesn't seem the right time to ask.

Why would he have gone from starting to treat me like the gf to cooling off (not sleeping together, but still hanging out) to mentioning this other girl to being visibly annoyed / suspicious after finding out about my ex? What is the deal... does he want to be with me or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: glamgirl517
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 1:00pm

glamgirl517...

This one is easy........at least for Pianoguy to offer a response. And my apologies to all ivillager ladies if they've heard this once or twice before?

What man enjoys "competing" with an EX....in ANY type of situation? It doesn't matter if you and the EX have a platonic relationship...or something more serious...most new b/f's AREN'T COMFORTABLE with the "he's only staying over because he's town" arrangement.

Granted....your jealous b/f IS seeing someone else! ?

It's just my opinion, but I think the 2 of you need to arrive at some sort of 'mutual clarity and understanding' where your relationship is concerned? It's clear that the expectations you have---when it comes to each other's fidelity---ARE TOTALLY OUT OF SYNC?

However, if the 2 of you AREN'T seriously involved...tell the new b/f to cool it and stop overreacting! Otherwise he'll lose you for sure!

End of story.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: glamgirl517
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 2:09pm

Let this be a lesson to you. Even if you are just "slightly involved" do not tell your new man that your ex is staying overnight at your house. Your new man probably started thinking that you were having hot sex with your ex, even if you didn't and now he is trying to mend his bruised ego by telling you that he is thinking about other women.

If you want to be with the new man, sit him down and explain very clearly that there is nothing going on between you and your ex, your ex will never ever spend the night at your house again and that you are very interested in dating him. You might get things back on track, you might not.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: glamgirl517
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 3:05pm

You shouldn't assume that him being territorial means that he is interested in more of a relationship with you. Some men are just that way...they may not want you for a serious relationship, but they still don't want anyone else to have you.

But in any event, as I posted to you on another board, I think you need to be very direct with this guy. If you "lose" him by being upfront about your feelings, then you lose him...but since you aren't satisfied with what you have, what have you really lost?

Sheri