unable to commit to a good guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
unable to commit to a good guy
1
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 10:17pm
Recently I've noticed a trend in my love life. I'll meet someone, usually becoming friends first, and eventually things turn into more. All of them are great guys, usually with small flaws such as looks which I am entirely willing to look over. For the first few days I am incredibly happy with them and feel as if they really care about me, etc... then after somewhere around a week, I lost interest completely. Furthermore, I feel annoyed and suffocated by them when they are simply acting as they were before. The problem is, I really did like them in the beginning and I have no clue when, or if, this "freak out" is going to occur. Eventually I make up an excuse and break it off, but I am disappointed because they are all great guys that care for me so much, and I know they could treat me how I want to be treated. I am looking for a boyfriend, so why can I not settle down with any of them? One of my theories has to do with my ex-boyfriend, who was my first love. We were together for a year and a half off and on. I am wondering if possibly when I begin to feel the emotions that I experienced with him with someone else (such as the feeling that someone truly cares about you, etc...) so quickly, it scares me because I attribute those emotions to him. This is simply a guess, and I would greatly appreciate any input on my situation. I want to settle down and be happy with someone, so why do I sabatoge my own love life?

Holly

holls490@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 11:13pm
my (therapist) friend told me that women who are attracted to bad boys and are bored by nice men have self esteem issues/possibly came from an environment where the role models were in a dysfunctional relationship...so if a girl grew up with a 'strict dad' that controled his wife and children, maybe drank, etc...then a girl would actually feel more comfortable around men like this and because it's how she actually grew up. And when nice guys come around, they're boring (maybe healthy?)...they lack drama.