Unattainable guys

Avatar for caramello0213
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Unattainable guys
3
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 6:35pm

I was just thinking about my dating record (or lack of) and realised I most often go for unattainable guys. They either don't want to commit or they're cheaters or I'll be interested in someone because I think he's giving me signals he's interested but then it'll turn out he has a girlfriend. Any idea as to what's going on or how I can learn to attract the good ones?!

Thanks in advance!
C Mello

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:19pm

caramello0213...

Pianoguy might be guessing on this, but it sounds like you're seeking out men whom you KNOW you CAN'T HAVE! It's a safety valve to prevent yourself from getting hurt.

Why not make a new years resolution to make lots of friendships with men who may or may not be compatible to the type you're looking for? Remember...these are FRIENDSHIPS, with no expectations of serious, committed relationships. Who knows? Without jumping into anybody's arms too quickly...I'll bet you'll have several gentlemen who want to have you as a long-term companion...and not just a brief fling!

Just an idea to consider!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:07pm

I agree with Pianoguy (usually do) that you're seeking out this type of men to avoid getting hurt. You KNOW that the guy your chasing won't want anything serious, yet you continue on that path because it's safer to just "know" that they're not going to stick around than to put in the effort and be ditched.

I think you may have to step out of the dating scene for a while until such time that you know what values and morals, likes and interests you have and then find someone who shares those things. You just don't seem ready to have a good relationship, cause you're not focused on what you really will accept and not just settle for.

So figure out, "what will be the traits of a long term commited relationship" and work from there. Focus for now on making some male friends and not on finding the next boyfriend. I know that sometimes we can get so caught up looking for a "mate" that we forget about just making friends and finding common ground.

Good luck
Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 5:59pm
Greetings caramello,
Bellina sends happy holidays! Well I absolutely agree with PianoGuy in that one shouldn't try so hard in search of ones dream man and meet several fellows through mutual friends.A good friend will usually have a sense of someone suited for you as opposed to the unattainable charmers,playboys and confirmed bachelors due to their own past broken hearts you meet in a club,etc..Also have less expectations in finding "mr.right" immediately and in becoming friends first in time may develop into a nice romance that can be more sustaining in all aspects. I hope you enjoy this time of year with to spend in the company of good friends,family and perhaps pets,who'll not care if you meet prince charming! Being a feline fancier my kit always gives me TLC and remains faithful in his love,unlike those flirtateous romeos!Best wishes and holiday cheer thru the New year!
Bellina