Underachieving emotional women are hot?
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| Sun, 01-01-2006 - 9:27pm |
So tell me men...
If it's a fact that successful, educated women are less likely to marry, is this because men find them less attractive marriage partners? I'm not asking for statistics here...I just want your personal opinion. I'm taking a poll.
In a related topic, are women that appear vulnerable more attractive? À la Faye Wray? I ask this for the following reason:
I was dissed by a guy I had been dating 4 months at a party for no apparent reason, and quite drunkenly, I ended up crying on the shoulder of a guy that I didn't know later that night (embarrassing, no?). This guy took pity on me and listened to my sad tale of woe. He then like a gentleman gave me his email and phone number and told me to call him to find out what my boyfriend's problem was, and walked me to the subway. Well the problem was the next day my b/f broke up with me...no reason ever given... :(
But as a happy consequence, me and this guy have developed a rather close friendship. He dates younger women as he is 8 years younger than myself, and nothing has gone beyond this platonic friendship. We go mountain biking, to parties together, and this NYE we spent (platonically) ringing in the New Year by talking about our respective dating activity and watching DVDs...
I told one of my closest friends about this situation and she says guys love feeling needed like that...they like it when a woman is vulnerable, and she encouraged me to be more vulnerable.
This goes along the same lines of men preferring women with accents...like women are somewhat dependent on the guy.
Does this make any sense to anyone? My parents are both actors...I have taught myself to cry on cue...what do you think guys? Attractive? Crying on a date? (Because I'm not going to fake an accent!)
And don't give me the 'just be yourself' response...it's def NOT working...I want your honest opinion. It doesn't have to be bawling, I was kind of thinking just tearing up a bit when talking about something personal...but I've always thought that the other person might think I'm really depressed or something...yuck...
Edited 1/1/2006 9:42 pm ET by goddess_juju

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>>A date without it being a date.
Right...somehow they read through me. Two examples: once I was working late and I offered to pick up some Chinese for the cute guy who worked in a lab a few floors down while I was going out to pick up my own takeout. The idea being, I would carry it back and we could chat and eat together. Said no. Not to be deterred, on another day I tried again when I was going to a sandwich shop across the street. Big no, now a little annoyed.
Then another time I was at a tennis match with a cute guy and I was along with several girl friends too. We were all part of a group attending the match together. Me and the woman next to me were planning on going to a party together and I asked him along with us (he would know a lot of the people there). He got this really uncomfortable look on his face and said he already had plans. When the match was over he split w/o saying goodbye (up to that point he was very friendly).
Is that not casual enough? I dont' know, It's worth a try again...the good thing about it is it doesn't feel as icky as getting rejected when you ask them out for a real date.
>>I do believe it would possibly mean you'd have to convey what it is that you're willing to do in order to have the kids - sidetrack your career - or whatever it is.
I've not gotten far enough in a relationship where this was ever brought up except once. It seems inappropriate to start talking marriage in the first, say 6 months of a relationship. Anyway, I never have unless the guy initiates it. I need more info on the guy first. It would seem we would need to experience enough things together for me to decide if I want to start talking about marriage stuff. Wrong?
With the 45-year-old guy who wanted his freedom...he once remarked how much work it would be to bring up a kid, and I mentioned this idea of me being a stay-at-home mom. He had no comment at the time...
Then two weeks later, he broke up with me. He mentioned that his mother(!) was pressuring him to get married and have children, but he didn't directly state that this was the reason he was breaking up with me. Although it was implied.
So we talked about it, sort of. As in, I'm not in the picture. That's the only example I have, no one else has ever said the M word to me in any context. So you are telling me I'm sending out this vibe that I just want to be used for sex? This may be because I'm old and single now, but what about in my 20s and 30s, when no one was taking me seriously either? Was that because I was young and single? Sorry that's a little sarcastic but...I'm a bit exasperated.
What do I do for fun. I'm in a French discussion group, and I'm in two singles clubs where you can choose from a variety of activities going on around town. I do stuff 1-2 times per week with groups, and usually go out on a date once a week, and then once a week I might go to a party or out with a friend. Occasionally I'll volunteer for the Red Cross and the United Way. It's all I really have time for!! That's a lot, right? I'd like to reiterate I don't seem to have a problem meeting people and getting dates at all. It's just they go nowhere.
So how to be taken more seriously, I wonder? Without being scary? I think you are hitting on something, along with a previous comment by cl-brklynchk:
>>I know from experience that if I feel I have no place in someone's life, I will not bother being in their life.
I am trying to think of subtle ways to be more like this...including someone in my life without seeming like I'm rushing them into something. The willing will go willingly, I guess. But also, used to be communities were more tight-knit, jobs lasted for all your adult life, and you could build a nice life and offer someone a place in it...but everything's so transient now. It's hard to do. It's hard for me to imagine.
My life is so topsy-turvy...just started a new job one month ago, moved (across town) three months ago, and every last one of my friends has split town or is in the process of leaving for other jobs, lower costs of living, or family. I've got no community to offer, no real stability, except for my parents, living closeby, but I think it not a good idea to introduce guys to family too early on. At least I know when guys do this to me it makes me uncomfortable. I have to set about rebuilding something of my own...again...
>>They told me their ex gf was not ambitious at all.
I find this kind of talk distasteful. Then they turn around and tell their ex girlfriends that you're a workaholic, right? :)
I get so tired of men who have to be told what exit to take on the freeway, or who don't know the difference between Michigan and Minnesota.
I'm not too intelligent---They are just too dumb.
It's
Start
This might be a better approach:
What would the ideal relationship to you look like in terms of daily schedule and interactive dynamic.
I think you want "a relationship" - but you've got it so vaguely defined, and you're redefining and it all the time - not in terms of consistently adding or subracting elements regarding what you'd give up and require....but in terms of "what need it would meet right now."
I mean, some people want a relationship in order to have people to "share interests" with.....other people do not want a partner that shares their interests at all. They'd rather have a relationship where your careers and intrestss are totally separate - and you see one another over breakfast, dinner and sex.......that's it.
You sound like you "fill" your time well - but is it filled with things that hold your passionate interest, and expand your personal knowledge and awareness of self? Or this iss stuff to ddo that always involves the potential to meet other people so that you have people to be with, and things to do - and hopefully "meet someone".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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