Update: 1st date, and a question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Update: 1st date, and a question.
13
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:17am

So the date went quite well in my opinion. We came in our separate cars, had hot chocolate while it rained outside.....later, we had dinner at a very bright and colorful restaurant...had yummy food, and we had a nice conversation. In the end, outside, we stood by our cars, just chatting. Weather was beautiful. I felt some chemistry and attraction there the whole evening, esp when our eyes met, or when we looked and smiled at each other, or when there was that silence, a nice silence. And I wanted him to make a move. Something. Whether it be a comment, or even something physical. But nope. Nothing at all. The evening ended, and I expected a lil hug, or even a handshake. Something. Nothing came my way. But I am very sure that he felt something in him. Just a strong feeling. But why was he stopping himself? Just being "gentlemanly"? Or fearing that I might not be on the same page? Or thinking it just might be too soon? I don't know, now I guess, I just have to wait for him to contact me.

Oh, and when the bill came, he immediately said "You wanna split it?". I was a bit surprised at that quick question(I was anyway going to offer), but I guess, it's good he was upfront. But at the back of my mind, I still felt that we are having such a nice time, and liking each other (in my eyes)....he shouldn't mind paying for us both.

Anyway, so just a tad disappointed that he never made a single move, that could suggest that he liked me. Even though I am very sure he felt something. Not a single statement about our next meeting either. The end was rather abrupt though. He said he had an early morning, and then we wished each other goodbye.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 7:19am

sienna09...

Whether you know it or not, you just pointed out one of the reasons why men and women can be TOTAL OPPOSITES!

If you're expecting some sort of 'dating behavior' from a man...and he doesn't give it to you...does that CANCEL EVERYTHING OUT IN THE FUTURE?

Sorry...but PG doesn't understand why you would expect a lot of aggressiveness from your 'new friend' on the 1st date?

Most women are usually 'overcautious and a little nervous' whenever a man MAKES A MOVE TOO QUICKLY! Maybe...the man you were with was 'more gentlemanly' than you'd like him to be? But isn't this "a better option" than giving you a half dozen passionate kisses and tearing your clothes off in the parking lot???

As for 'splitting the bill'---most men USUALLY offer to pay the entire tab and the lady will occasionally take care of 'the tip!' But this type of arrangement ISN'T GUARANTEED 100% OF THE TIME! So keep your wallet handy....okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:23am

I really don't know what is going on in this man's mind. He exhibited buddy behavior more so than dating behavior, with suggesting that the twon of you split the check. I can see why he didn't try to kiss you or hug you, it was somewhat of a first meet. I know you both drove long distances so maybe he has some concerns there.

If I were you I would just go on with my life and maybe not count on a follow-up phone call. If he calls great, if he doesn't then move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 6:21pm

Thank you Chamey101. That's what I thought. Buddy like behavior. Not even a hug or a handshake in the end. Even though I could feel it in the air, in his eyes (or was I reading wrong?). Actionwise-nothing. And I guess, it's the actions that tell the story.
Hm....it could be all "one-sided" who knows. It's weird when one feels it, and the other doesn't. It's sad.

Pianoguy, yes, I always have my money handy. Always. Infact, I sincerely OFFER to pay and even "insist" that I would pay my half. But here, it was weird that EVEN BEFORE I asked, he had already decided that we'll split and confidantly said so :-). So that came as a bit of a surprise. Usually, a man hesitates, or volunteers to pay it all. Which is a compliment. Becoz, to me, if a man pays, I feel closer to him, and he feels closer to me. I guess, in this case, I "wanted" us to feel closer, so I was a bit disappointed. We even ate from the same plate, when he finished his food early, and I offered him some from mine. That felt real nice. Even in the coffee shop, when I spoke (and my voice is kinda soft), and when he couldn't hear me, he told me NOT to speak louder, just to be myself and he PULLED his SOFA close to mine :-)). I liked that gesture. And all that while, I was sitting back on the sofa and speaking, and he was totally leaning towards me. His body language showed that he was really interested.

Anyways, I really don't know what to think.
OH! And I wrote him a quick email last night saying I had a great time, and even described in a bit of detail what I liked about the evening (not about him per se, but about the evening)...... he replied today. Know what his reply was?

He gave a smile.
The he said "Likewise" and another smile.
And then he wrote "Have an interesting day".

That's it. Not one word about me, or the evening, or about a future meeting...nothing.

I have NO idea what to think!

If he is Playing Mind Games with me, I hate it.
Why cant some guys just come RIGHT OUT and tell us what's in their minds? What's to be afraid of? He can clearly see I like him. Even then he is afraid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 6:31pm

Sometimes I feel there is no winning with guys. If they are shown emotion, they run away. (like some have in the past). If I don't show any emotion, I am cheating myself, and I also might appear a bit distant and "only friendly", which isn't good either. So what's a girl to do? Men say they don't like rejection. But men also don't seem to like emotions and real interest from a girl!! (and I am not talking about heavy emotions that could stifle a person. I am saying proper, normal emotions, that need to be shared if something has to move forward)

What do guys want from a girl!???? Things dont move forward when emotions dont come in the picture. And when they do, many guys take a step back when they see it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 6:46pm
Sorry but this guy does not sound romantically interested in you. He didn't pay, didn't want to kiss you or hug you, didn't mention anything about another date - all signs that would lead me to believe there will be no second date. But there are other fish in the sea. Iri
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:50pm

Move on, unless you want him as a platonic friend.

I don't think he's afraid, he's just not interested in you that way and is hoping you will get the hint so he doesn't have to spell it out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:17pm

I recd. an email from him this evening asking me how my day went and he shared some details from his day and what he was going to do next in the evening.

Do you still think he is not interested?

He is a "student" still on a very small salary so that makes me think that's the reason he did not pay.

He had also mentioned in one of our earlier convos that he likes things to begin as "friendships" before anything else. So I think that is what he is practicing. Friendship.

Another point he mentioned was that he ends up letting the woman direct the course of the relationship. I did not like this point, but that is what he said. So that is the reason perhaps, why he is being the way he is. I had told him that I want me man to take the initiative, and I had left the conversation at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:34pm

Well it seems he was a bit businesslike and I'm not thrilled with the immediate you want to split it? I do think on a first date the man should pay, or at least wait for the woman to ask!


,
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:07am

If you want to be buds with him, that's great...I just don't think, from what you've posted, that he's interested in you as more than friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:27am

At this point, Sienna, I'm not worried about whether this man is interested or not interested.

You seem like a nice lady with her head on straight. So why don't you decide whether you want to move this thing forward or not. Afterall, this guy said he like women to take the initiative.

So quit waiting around for this guy to ask you out on a second date and make your own decisions. What you have here is a guy that isn't interested in paying for a date, lives an hour away, you have some chemistry, he wants friendship first, and is surviving on a student's budget.

So if you like him and want to pursue this, ask him out on a date. You might have to pick up the tab. You are probably going to have to make all the arrangements. But he will probably agree to it.

It is your decision.

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