Update: 1st date, and a question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Update: 1st date, and a question.
13
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:17am

So the date went quite well in my opinion. We came in our separate cars, had hot chocolate while it rained outside.....later, we had dinner at a very bright and colorful restaurant...had yummy food, and we had a nice conversation. In the end, outside, we stood by our cars, just chatting. Weather was beautiful. I felt some chemistry and attraction there the whole evening, esp when our eyes met, or when we looked and smiled at each other, or when there was that silence, a nice silence. And I wanted him to make a move. Something. Whether it be a comment, or even something physical. But nope. Nothing at all. The evening ended, and I expected a lil hug, or even a handshake. Something. Nothing came my way. But I am very sure that he felt something in him. Just a strong feeling. But why was he stopping himself? Just being "gentlemanly"? Or fearing that I might not be on the same page? Or thinking it just might be too soon? I don't know, now I guess, I just have to wait for him to contact me.

Oh, and when the bill came, he immediately said "You wanna split it?". I was a bit surprised at that quick question(I was anyway going to offer), but I guess, it's good he was upfront. But at the back of my mind, I still felt that we are having such a nice time, and liking each other (in my eyes)....he shouldn't mind paying for us both.

Anyway, so just a tad disappointed that he never made a single move, that could suggest that he liked me. Even though I am very sure he felt something. Not a single statement about our next meeting either. The end was rather abrupt though. He said he had an early morning, and then we wished each other goodbye.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:15pm

<< I am saying proper, normal emotions, that need to be shared if something has to move forward)>>

I really don't think there should be any consideration of what NEEDS to be shared for something to move forward upon a FIRST DATE. If you were talking about a BF of a year or something, then sure ... certain things would need to be shared and demonstrated in order for things to be moving forward. But, the concept of "moving forward" really shouldn't be in the equation at the point of a first date.

<< If I don't show any emotion, I am cheating myself, and I also might appear a bit distant and "only friendly", which isn't good either. So what's a girl to do? >>

What a girl is to do is ... be herself! You can't go wrong with that. If a guy doesn't like it, then ... he's not the guy for you. Not every guy is going to be interested (nor will you be interested in every guy, kwim?) It's nothing personal, it just is what it is.

IMO, it sounds like you're a) overthinking things and b) projecting a little "more to it" than a first date needs to be. Your dates MIGHT be picking up on that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:02pm

I think there is a possibility there, though you two may have started out on different pages ...

About a month ago, a guy from work asked me to a movie after we had flirted a bit at work. I definitely felt some chemistry between us, and I felt pretty sure it wasn't just one sided (I think it is possible to tell). He took me to dinner after (he did pay), then dropped me off at my apartment. I was *sure* he would offer to walk me up, or at least give me a little hug, but nada. Just a wave goodbye. Honestly, I was baffled, even a little pissed.

So I did something that probably isn't recommended - I called and asked if we had been on a date, because I simply didn't feel like wondering and analyzing it over and over for days. He said, "no! not yet." I think I caught him off gaurd, and he was a little short.

For some reason, this *really* bugged me, but I decided to basically pretend like nothing happened, and continue to be friendly with him at work. Not too long after the faux date, he asked me to drinks, then another evening out, then professed that he *liked* me. It didn't work out because in the meantime I began dating someone I feel is a better match, but the whole experience was something new for me.

I spoke about the faux date with this guy later, and he said he had just wanted to get to know me before he really asked me out. If you ask me, dinner and a movie *is* asking someone out, but maybe some guys just want to see what your conversations are like, your sense of humor, interests, if you can 'keep up with' them, before making any sort of romantic commitment.

So whether he's interested and waiting or not interested, the best thing to do i think would be to simply be yourself - be a friend with him. Showing that you're not too focused on him and that you're not too hung up on what his next move will be is attractive, and at the very least, you'll have met someone new and interesting.

Sorry that was so long! Hope it helps a little.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:15pm
Sorry... but I think he was interested.

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