Update 2 Missing Pieces Making Me Unsure
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| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 5:38pm |
OK guys he's outta my apartment. I cannot believe what a scene he caused in this apartment building this morning!!!! Oh_My_God!
First of all, let me start by saying that I stayed up until 1a.m. last night gathering all of his belongings and grouping them in the middle of the apartment. I did this to make sure that 1)he wouldn't leave anything behind by mistake, 2) he wouldn't stay here all day trying to pack and 3) to make sure he didn't steal anything . . . . .
So the ex comes at my door with his movers. My ex wigged out at me yesterday for placing some of his stuff in front of my apartment door outside in the hallway. So, instead, all of his stuff was placed in front of the door inside the apartment and into the dining room.
With that said, I told my ex to be careful coming into the apartment because there were some things behind the door. My ex then stated to the movers "I'm sorry she made this area inconvenient for you to walk in . ." I gave it all I had to remain cordial and said "I already told you that I don't have any boxes to put your stuff in. He then said "Oh this bag is packed improperly as glass is inside."
At that point I asked him "Do you want to talk about this?" And he proceeded to get loud and said "No we don't have to talk anywhere . ." I'd had it at that point and informed him that I had stayed up until 1am moving his sh*$ to the middle of this house and that I could have thrown the stuff out onto the sidewalk with the rest of the garbage. My ex then said that he would sue me if I ever did that.
Then he went into the kitchen where all of his dishes and stuff were placed on the table and told me to throw everything away except his coffee maker. So I proceeded to throw all the glass china in the garbage.
My ex was determined to start a fight with me because he then took back the computer and demanded that I back up all of my files. I told him that I didn't have a CD or something to transfer the files to and he said "I don't care about you . . " Then started screaming to the top of his lungs about how he has been traumatized (sp)in this relationship and that his feelings were hurt too! I was like WTF? I told him that there is ONLY ONE victim in this apartment and she's unmarried. I proceeded to ask him how the hell was he victimized when he lied and manipulated me into believing he had been single for 4 years when in fact he's still married? I ask him "How would you feel if you found out you were engaged to a married woman; the same person who told you she was single for 4 years?
He basically brushed off my comments by saying "I'm Sorry" but began to rant about how I tried to withhold his 1/2 of the security deposit from him; an allegation that is simply false. That is why I only communicated with him by email in order to have something in writing stating that I would return the deposit today. He then demanded that I pay him in cash because he wanted to make sure that he got paid. I reminded him that I am financially secure and he would not have a problem cashing my check, not to mention the fact that I never said he would not receive his money.
He also got "insulted" over the fact that I sent a follow-up email to him yesterday to confirm that he would send the vacate letter to the landlord. I also stated in the email that I would pay him the $450 on Saturday once I get a copy of the letter. My ex was "insulted" because he never agreed to give me the letter BEFORE I gave him the money . . . . . He made absolutely no sense at all . . . . I told him he would get his money and he promised to write the letter(I'm shaking my head right now).
He also made some stupid argument about my household cleaning habits (he said it was my fault we needed a new stove because I never cleaned the old one) I guess as a last ditch effort to put the blame on me . . . . He also accused me of treating him like a business client . . . . .(Sigh)
I can't summarize all the details of this madness here so I'll just give you the clincher. My ex took it upon himself to inform me that he consulted with a few attorneys and all of them told him that he could certainly date someone while going through a divorce. I agreed but clarified by saying "Yeah but it would be nice if you tell the person you are dating that you are going through a divorce - not that you have been divorced for 4 years . .. " He claims that the 2nd wife was suppose to file the papers and I asked "When did she file the papers? Last Month (as he stated this past Wednesday), Last November (as he first stated this past Wednesday), or 4 years ago (as he originally stated when we first met). He didn't answer my question.
Then I asked "So when were the divorce papers filed?" and said "Let's try to keep this story straight . . " My ex changed the story for the 5th time this week and said "Last January". So at this point I'm not sure when the papers were filed, if they were filed at all!
So I informed my ex that he needs a divorce decree from a judge before telling someone that he's divorce. My ex replied "That is not true! I am divorced because I am no longer spiritually connected to that person . . .You don't need a divorce decree"
Everyone in the apartment (including the movers) stood there stunned. I couldn't help myself at this point and said "WHAT AN IDIOT!!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT A DIVORCE DECREE FROM A JUDGE IS NEEDED IN ORDER TO BE DIVORCED!!! THAT'S COMMON KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!" My ex proceeded to call me an idiot because that is simply not true . . . . Unbelievable!
Another highlight of the argument was the part where I told him "I see exactly what he was trying to do to me and the reason why I dumped your arse was because I was trying to avoid bigamy". My ex said "How can I commit bigamy? I didn't marry you and you need to be divorced first before getting re-married." Although this was true, I reminded him that we were engaged and we were planning to wed next year. He could have easily got married to me and still be married to her by marrying me in another country and have those marriage papers filed there.
My ex was hell bent on getting married in Jamaica even though none of our close relatives could afford the trip. Well, last week, I discovered that here in New York, the County Clerk's Office will not have any records of a marriage that takes place outside on New York. In other words out of sight, out of reach in this case as there would be no record of our marriage here in NY for anyone (including his current wife) to search for. My ex was silent and didn't reply to this statement. It should also be noted that my ex practices an African religion called Orisa or Orisha, which similar to the African religion "Yoruba." If I understand this correctly, polygamy is allowed in both religions although most believers don't necessary practice this form of marriage.
His wife also works at Fortunoff (a major department store here in New York) and my ex did not want us to have our wedding registry there . . . . I wonder why . . . . . . .LOL
Oh yeah, so back to the computer. My ex get did take the computer but insisted that I keep the laptop and use that until I'm able to get my own computer. I tried to back up as many pictures and files as possible but, unfortunately, I couldn't remove the Yahoo IM in the computer, which has my username Kilah_p saved as a default. :-(
Another interesting tidbit, he made the movers put a bed raiser underneath the middle leg of my bed because he was concerned that the bed would slip and I might get hurt . . . . . . . He also offered to give my battery a jumpstart because my batter is dead . . . . .Nice (I'm being sarcastic here).
I also made sure that any and everything that belonged to him was put into the dining room to be moved outta here. Well, the ex managed to stick 2 of his CDs in between my box of manila envelopes . . . . Unbelievable! I plan to mail these CDs to his mom's house via USPS Certified Mail Return Receipt ASAP. I also sent the ex an email confirming that I paid him $450 cash for his 1/2 of the security and that he demanded cash in lieu of check 438 I wrote out for him. I saved a copy of this email for my records.

Well I'm glad that it's at least coming to a close. Not a good move on the cash, even though you wrote the email it's not proof that you handed him cash. Only something he signed is. I said this in an earlier post, but you may have to wind up going legal. If you can recover those China dishes I would also because I think he is the type to blame yor it and attempt a petty lawsuit.
I hope I'm wrong here, but just be very very careful with him. It seems like he's trying to get you so just don't give him any ammunition...
Good luck and keep us posted.
Yeah I thought about that with the cash and the dishes . . . . . As far as the dishes, he told me to through that stuff away in the presence of the 2 moving guys, plus in the hearing of all of my neighbors on this floor.
In any event, I STILL have his wife's personal information and I would be more than happy to serve as her witness in a divorce proceeding. :-) Bottom line, he committed adultery, which adds up to big bucks here in NY. So if he wants to fight, I'll fight back. . . .
Adultery is hard to prove in NY... I live in NY and my husband did the same but it's a plea that most lawyers will talk you out of.
One thing I'm thinking... re the laptop, I think you should go down to Best Buy or CompUSA and get yourself a laptop and be done. Get rid of any traces.
Out of curiosity, where abouts in NYC do you live? I live in Brooklyn, near CI.
I live in Staten Island. I don't understand what you mean by leaving any traces. It seems like the ex left all the stuff he wanted thrown away in here for me to deal with. What a tool!
Sigh . . . I REALLY hope this is the end and he doesn't bother me again!!!!
As Dorothy Parker once said, never put all your eggs into one bastard.
This guy is going to continue to pester you until he finds a new unsuspecting woman, which will be shortly. In the meantime, spend time developing your hobbies and some new friendships. Leave this loser alone.
Yes I plan to do just that- that get into my hobbies, make new friends, and move on. I just pray to God that he will do the same and leave me the hell alone . . . . I plan to start my belly dancing classes this week and I'm going to pick up a second job and teach at a local college just to keep busy. .
Apparently my ex hasn't told any of his friends about the break-up because they keep calling over here asking to speak to him like normal. I just told one of the friends that he no longer lives here and the guy was in shock and speechless . . . .
And speaking of friends, I spoke to one of my long time friends tonight about the whole ordeal. She was slated to be one of my bridesmaids in the wedding. Well, anyway, I've gotten most of my strength in dealing with men from this woman and it was through her that I learned most of the rules of dating . . . .
Well, after I explained to her what my ex did, how about my friend told me that sometimes guys makes mistakes and that I should have just given him an ultimatim (sp) - that is tell the ex that he must be divorced by a certain date or leave then. She also stated that I should've gave him another try because he was so good to me otherwise and that I should make him swear to never do that again.
I couldn't believe my ears as my friend told me this . . . .
I disagree with your friend, not only did this guy lie to you but he couldn't even come clean about when he was divorced. My guess is that he wasn't and hadn't filed any papers which is why he insisted on having the wedding in Jamaica.
This guy wasn't trustworthy and you don't need that in your life. There are plenty of wonderful trustworthy men that want to have a good woman in their life. This man already had two divorces under his belt, and I am sure two women divorced him for very good reason.
Time to move on.