Update: His response to my email
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| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:03pm |
I hope you all remember me. My orginal posting this week was "Decoding his behavior after the talk. Well, I broke down and emailed him on Tuesday, 3 days after we had "the talk" For those who don't know, I emailed him because I thought he was pulling away from me after we had a discussion last Friday of my need for us to become closer after 6 months. Then I did not hear from him in couple of days, when he said he would call. I had assumed I had scared him with the talk, and wanted to email him. This is his email response, please let me know what you think. I have not emailed him back because I don't think it warrants a response..or should I? I was thinking of waiting for him to call Friday, or maybe I should respond. Anyway, here is the email he wrote. Please let me know your thoughts.
HIS EMAIL:
Thank you for your kind note. Sorry I've taken so long to get back to
you! I've been slammed at work the last few days, and it looks like
it's going to continue through next week. My boss and coworker are out of the office this week and next.
I still had fun last Friday! I think being tired, having a bit of a
bug, plus too much to drink(HELLO!) had something to do with
me not feeling well. The queasiness continued throughout the weekend.
However, the night was not a bust by any means. Thank you for a
wonderful dinner - you have inherited your cooking talent from your
mother!
I feel we have become close over the months, and that we have fun when
we go out. I enjoy it and look forward to it. And I'm sure we'll
become closer as time moves on just as we have since we first met. I
also know that - turning 35 next month - I have some history to learn
from.
In all honesty, and I don't want to get into comparisons here, but you
should know I've heard this before. Maybe it's in my DNA. I've been
told that I'm hard to get to know beyond "friendship." That I'm hard to
get "closer to..." I disagree with this, sort of, and for you, my level
of 'closeness' may not be where you need to be. You need to tell me
this (or write to me about it) if this is what you feel. But I think I
touched on this a few weeks ago when we talked.
Thanks again Natalie.
Let's talk Friday...

Another thought for you. Since I couldn't find your original post, I may be pointing something out that you were more clear about so forgive me if you've already explained it. It's this: What do mean by "closer" specifically? Were you specific with him about particular actions you'd like him to take, or did you only say you wanted him to become "closer" to you? Because frankly, if someone I was dating said that to me, I really wouldn't know what he meant. It's important to communicate as specifically as possible when your needs aren't being met in any area of your relationship. If you don't do this, his idea of closer may very well be different from yours and you'll both end up frustrated. Asking for "closer" is way too vague of a request by itself.
As far as replying to his e-mail, it'd be fine if you send a brief friendly reply saying you're looking forward to Friday, but nothing more detailed. Communication is much more effective in person and he's too busy at work anyway. Enjoy your time with him on Friday and focus on just having fun, and not so much on the heavier stuff. I think you both need a break from all the deeply serious talk.
I think from this response he clearly wants to continue seeing you and getting to know you, and having FUN with you.
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