Update on me free relationship
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Update on me free relationship
| Sat, 08-28-2004 - 9:32pm |
Hi again!
I posted here about seeing a guy for 5 months now, in a free kind of way...
We had several talks, because he felt I used him or he felt I wasnt showing my true colors with him, or get extremely mad if my ex bf called in the middle of a date..We discuss what were we doing 2gether, and its was aleways ambigous, like we were just seeing each ither ti have fun but he was frequetntly picking this subjetc and talikng about it. I was always very cool and carefree (oon the outside) as well as a little cold (as a defense mechanism). He always joke about things i didnt like but said that there wre only jokes, nothing else. He said that we should tell each other when something bither because we could fix it, that if he was seeing me he wasnt going tio stop over some porblem.
But this wed, he made plans witha friend to go to a club i usually go...we talked, he knew i might g o there that night. I arrive (huge place), after a while i saw him talking cozy with a chick, he came over to say hi to my friends and i, we even took somo dig pics, then he grabs a cig from a friend and dissapear. (The next day my friends confess me they saw him giving the cig to this girl and kissing her, reaaly near were we were!!!). I didnt knew this so i was a little crushed aboiut him being with a girl a nd not me, nut i found a male friend and spendt all night talking and laughing while this jerk kept parading in frint of me with this girl taliking (nothing else) while eyeing me.
I wasnt like him at all, it was like he was posses by another guy!!!! He is usually fun, and wouldnt hurt me intentionally in that way, but he was drunk and caring about s**t!!!
At the end of the night he looked for me (but later i found out that a friend of mine send him to hell for doing this ti me) and because i didnt knew he kiss the girl, he cane home (he asked 4 it).
We end uo talikng for 4 hours that night and sleeping in each other arms, nothing else. Remind here i didnt knew he KISS HER near were i was!!!
Well, he said something abot behaving bad that night with me, but that i behave bad too manytimes and he forgave me. That i showed him many times that i didnt care about him (is he blind?). He was mad because a previous date he was talking about us and i was too drunk to answer, so he pick the topic again, whta i wnted about us, i said tio go out, have fun and not know if he dates others....he said that thats what we were doing, that although he knew i wouldnt believe him he wasnt dating much. Then said that if i was sincere and told him what i wanted maybe we could made an arrengement thtat we both like or stop or whatever, but i said nothing just that i enjoy his company and then he said that with me saying that it felt that maybe he wanted more, and i said no way. I asked what he wanted and he was ambigous and the said i already told u (so i guess, a free thing). He felt asleep and that was it.
The next day i found out about the kiss and i felt used an disrepected. I havent talked to him since, im way too angry.
I know i show had have the talk a long time ago, but i like him sooo much i didnt want to scare or stop seeing. But now this turn awfull.
Guys 2 cents???
Girls?
I posted here about seeing a guy for 5 months now, in a free kind of way...
We had several talks, because he felt I used him or he felt I wasnt showing my true colors with him, or get extremely mad if my ex bf called in the middle of a date..We discuss what were we doing 2gether, and its was aleways ambigous, like we were just seeing each ither ti have fun but he was frequetntly picking this subjetc and talikng about it. I was always very cool and carefree (oon the outside) as well as a little cold (as a defense mechanism). He always joke about things i didnt like but said that there wre only jokes, nothing else. He said that we should tell each other when something bither because we could fix it, that if he was seeing me he wasnt going tio stop over some porblem.
But this wed, he made plans witha friend to go to a club i usually go...we talked, he knew i might g o there that night. I arrive (huge place), after a while i saw him talking cozy with a chick, he came over to say hi to my friends and i, we even took somo dig pics, then he grabs a cig from a friend and dissapear. (The next day my friends confess me they saw him giving the cig to this girl and kissing her, reaaly near were we were!!!). I didnt knew this so i was a little crushed aboiut him being with a girl a nd not me, nut i found a male friend and spendt all night talking and laughing while this jerk kept parading in frint of me with this girl taliking (nothing else) while eyeing me.
I wasnt like him at all, it was like he was posses by another guy!!!! He is usually fun, and wouldnt hurt me intentionally in that way, but he was drunk and caring about s**t!!!
At the end of the night he looked for me (but later i found out that a friend of mine send him to hell for doing this ti me) and because i didnt knew he kiss the girl, he cane home (he asked 4 it).
We end uo talikng for 4 hours that night and sleeping in each other arms, nothing else. Remind here i didnt knew he KISS HER near were i was!!!
Well, he said something abot behaving bad that night with me, but that i behave bad too manytimes and he forgave me. That i showed him many times that i didnt care about him (is he blind?). He was mad because a previous date he was talking about us and i was too drunk to answer, so he pick the topic again, whta i wnted about us, i said tio go out, have fun and not know if he dates others....he said that thats what we were doing, that although he knew i wouldnt believe him he wasnt dating much. Then said that if i was sincere and told him what i wanted maybe we could made an arrengement thtat we both like or stop or whatever, but i said nothing just that i enjoy his company and then he said that with me saying that it felt that maybe he wanted more, and i said no way. I asked what he wanted and he was ambigous and the said i already told u (so i guess, a free thing). He felt asleep and that was it.
The next day i found out about the kiss and i felt used an disrepected. I havent talked to him since, im way too angry.
I know i show had have the talk a long time ago, but i like him sooo much i didnt want to scare or stop seeing. But now this turn awfull.
Guys 2 cents???
Girls?

You've acted carefee, as if you could take or leave him, just having fun, even somewhat cold at times.
He's called you on this many times, he's complained that you weren't being real with him, and that you showed you didn't care about him. You seem perplexed about why he thinks that. 99% of the population would think that under the same circumstances.
He tried again recently and asked if you two could agree on making your relationship something other than what it is - FWB. Your response to that was you enjoy his company. Was that just a coy game? Were you trying to drop a hint? Why aren't you being honest an open with him? Are you so afraid you'd be rejected that you'd hide your true feelings no matter how many times he tries to tell you he wants more? Why?
So he kissed another girl. You were in the same club, but you weren't out on a date with him, and you've told him that he is free to do anything he wants with anyone he wants. You later had sex with him just like you've always done. Exactly how you've told him you want your relationship to be - many, many times.
I cannot comprehend why you now feel used and disrespected. Can you explain why you expected him to behave differently from what you've always insisted was just fine?
what exactly do u want from him? carefree relationship where he has no real rights to ur life, but expected to give u 100% control? if its a serious relationship let him know, im sure he will respect u once he recives respect himself. Hope things work out, sounds like u both like eachother but thats just my opinion
I guess my post are confusing because i have so much going on in my head that i cant put rightly into words...
Charity, the first part u have got it right, i acted aloof, cold, etc.
He did complain about my behaviour, etc...
But he didnt say he wanted something more!!!! He just asked what i wanted of of this, that if i was ok seeing him only once a week, asked if i sw other peolple, etc,etc....HE just ASKED!!! Never implied what he wanted!!! Well, once he told me that he had already told me what he wanted but he didnt i just assumed he wanted something free, because of his actions. To each one of his answers i kept telling him, that i was ok, that i just ddnt wanted to hear about other girls, and tha i was ok
But im really not ok, but im soo afraid of getting rejected by him (see each other 4 6 months nows), that he doesnt want more commitment, that ai do all this things and act so weird.
I cant say what he wants but by his actions, and they sometimes tells me he just wants fun!!!
He never truly asked for more, just ask questions? are they hints??!!
And that night we didnt have sex, just cuddle...
I like him so much, i want a little more compromise 8not other people), but im soooo afraid of his response!!! I just cant talk and act foolishly.
If he was seeking more from you, he got his answer when you said you were fine. If he didn't want more (that's possible too), he may have been asking about your feelings because you demonstrated inconsistencies and he was worried about hurting you. Either way, if you let your fear of rejection prevent you from being honest, you will suffer far more and for a much longer amount of time than you will over the temporary pain of rejection. You won't be able to move on and find happiness if he doesn't want what you want, and you are missing out on the happiness you seek with him if he does want what you want. You are just torturing yourself for nothing.
If you can't bring yourself to verbally tell him how you feel, then write him a letter telling him. Apologise for hiding your true feelings, be honest, be brief, and ask him to let you know how he feels and what he wants from you. If he doesn't want what you want, you must move on no mater how much it hurts. That pain won't last forever, and you will damage yourself if you don't get off this roller coaster.