Update on my situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Update on my situation
2
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 2:00pm
Well, finally I spoke with this guy I have been seing for 6 months almost.

It wasnt a pleasent talk, it lasted 6 hours.

It began when he told me he noted me different lately, like i was getting mad about everything, that lately we have being fighting a lot everytime we saw each other instead of having fun like we used to.

I told him I didnt like that he kissed that girl in front of me (in the same place i was) and he tried to excuse himself, and then said that it was the rules of our relationship, that we talked since the beggining, that it was free, that I told him several times i was fine about it, etc. He asked what i wanted, to talk to him and stop hidding what i feel, and i told him that i didnt want him to see other girls, to really date, and if not we wont see each other anymore. He was bummed, he said i was asking too much to soon, that until that day i showed no interest in him, and now i was asking this. That right now he didnt feel it, he didnt know what would have happen in a week or a month or etc, but right now he wants to be sincere to me and he told me he didnt feel like dating exclusively. We kept talking on the same subjetc, i contradict myself a couple of times though. I told him that i had so much fun with him, and he told me why i never said that before, that i always seems cold and distant.

Then he said that since the begging it was this free thing, that there was always the opportunity for me to get back with my ex (he often calls), etc. That dont ask him something it´ll behard for me to do(not see other people). I told him that if i ask something is because i would do the same, that i hadnt been with a guy since i met him (he seems shock!).

That he felt it was like an ultimatum, or exclusiely or not see each other anymore...that i wasnt leaving space to make an arrangement. That he felt bad about this whole situation, because he enjoyed seing me (except our last fights). Then he starts talkin about how much he changed (for bad) this year, etc,etc...He maybe needed therapy.

We kept talking, we kissed a little and he said to stop because it would confuse us more. Then he said that i really didnt want to stop seeing him, it was my pride that stop me from seeing him (or saying i would see him again).

Then he said to get some sleep and talk again another day....He said that what i asked was fair that sometimes he wantd that too.

This was tuesday 4 am.

I really like this guy, and i dont know what i want from him still!!!!!

I was too hurt to see him with another girl!

But I like our time 2gether, and i like meeting people and stuff, so i dont know if i told him what i did because of advice from friends or because i really felt it.

Im confused!!!!

Should i wait to hear from him again right?

But my real intention is not stop seeing him!!! I was proud and hurt!

The only good thing is that i least and finally i got to tell him i care about him and that i enjoy his company, thing he apreciated.

Spice.man 2 cents? anyone??!!


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 2:18pm
Time to move on, IMO. He doesn't want the same thing you want, and it's just going to hurt you to settle for less.

You've been seeing each other long enough for him to decide whether he wants to date you exclusively. If he changes his mind, he knows where to find you, but in the meantime, stop seeing him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 5:13pm
I'm going to agree with Sheri, you've been dating long enough to answer the exclusive question. So what if the arrangement at the BEGINNING was to be free? When one person feels things should be different, they should have every right to ask for a change. In this case you were asking him to commit to you by being exclusive. Since he is unwilling to do that, I think you are setting yourself up for lots of heartache if you just stay with the way things are now and not leave. Your goals aren't matching, he wants to stay in the dating game and you want to get exclusive. If the goals aren't matching now they probably won't change any time soon. He won't *suddenly* see the wonderful person you are and realize he wants to be with you if you just give in to his terms.

Alison

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