update: some thoughts. Am I crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
update: some thoughts. Am I crazy?
5
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 3:00am

insomnia in NY and now I'm thinking way too far ahead.  I live alone and when my family visits overnight during the holidays, I feel like it's so crowded in my small apt.  We're 3 people sharing one bathroom, etc.  So now, of course, it just dawned on me.  How the hec am I going to deal with his family visiting for 2 weeks at a time?  

You see, what I didn't say before is, he did not renew his tourist visa, so he is here unlawfully and cannot go back home, so his family comes to visit, but only 2 at a time, like his mom and his aunt. They sleep in his bedroom and he sleeps on an air mattress in his living room.  So now my mind is racing, if he really does like me, and we end up dating and living together, I have to deal with his family visiting!!!  And I don't know how the hec they eat over there.  He doesn't even have a regular kitchen table.  He has one of those stool/ high chairs with the tiny table. Do they eat at his coffee table by the tv?  

However, I am just thinking, how would anyone with my crowded issues deal with this?  Offering a hotel is out of the question, because how would he spend time with his family.  He still works, because with his construction job, he doesn't get paid if he doesn't work.....  so he just has the evenings and weekends.  Ok, I'll stop.  This is crazy but needed to vent, however,  I do raise a good point.  As it is, I don't sleep well because of my noisy neighbors - which is how this whole thing got started. I mentioned to him I want to move so he offered me money to help me move if I marry him!!!!  Oh, the irony.....

edited to add air mattress "in his living room"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 9:19am

Trail-girl, can I ask you a question?
 
This (illegal immigrant) person you're talking about here.
 
You and him are not in a r-ship, are not dating, you aren't even having casual sex.
 
IF this marriage happens, it will have nothing whatsoever to do with love and romance  - it'll be a contract benefiting two parties. He most certainly will not be living with you, or inviting his family to stay with you.
 
So your posts are a moot point.
 
Do you not realise this?
 
How much more time are you going to waste not sleeping over this waste of space?
 
(note: if someone's an illegal immigrant I doubt marrying him will be a possibility - he'll be most definitely sent off back to where he comes from by the immigration authorities at the first step of going through the whole process).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 11:51am

lRocklady, I think youre' in Europe, right?  It's different in the US.  If someone is illegal and they marry an American citizen, they can stay here--provided it's a valid marriage.  For that, they have to live together and have other evidence that they are a couple, like shared bank accounts and other shared things.  Usually you would have to have pictures of your wedding ceremony & reception--if it's just a marriage at city hall, that arouses some suspicions.  Plus it's illegal for a citizen to marry a foreigner for money.  So a bad idea all aroundl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 11:54am

Trail girl, you are dwelling on the minor issue of having occasional visitors in a crowded apartment when you should be thinking about the major issue of the fact that a guy offered you money to marry him so he could get legal status--he doesn't appear to be saying anything about loving you or wanting a real marriage.  And you would actually consider this?  Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 8:25pm

He offered me money 2 years ago only AFTER I broke up with him.  I said no, didnt' want the money because I want to marry for love.  Then we became friends with benefits.  Listen, coming here early this AM was the only way to get it off my chest and off my mind so I can go back to sleep (only to be woken by the sound of my Super using the snow blower at 4 AM)

Whatever.  I'm not gonna bore you with every detail but to make it quick:  I emailed his ex GF on Facebook about the freakin cat and other stuff between them that the European guy told me willingly (she had knee surgery, lives 45 minutes away from him but asked him to take care of the cat at his place, meanwhile she has friends next door and down the street. She also asks him to put in the air conditioner every May and take it out when she has a Super).  Also, when he told me all this, I said "She still loves you."  So then, listen to this, he said "She's had 4 boyfriends since we broke up, why couldn't she ask them?"  He paid attention to her dating life.  

Anyway, so his ex told him I emailed her and he got pissed and said "don't call me anymore. We're done."  This was a while ago. Then on NYE he texted me at midnight to say Happy New Year.

That's the short version.  Whatever, I actually just started emailing with someone today on my lunch break and he replied 3 times already.  Wish me luck with him.  Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 9:02pm

Rock Lady,

Regarding this:

You and him are not in a r-ship, are not dating, you aren't even having casual sex.

We had great sex. I've known him 2 years, don't forget. Did you read my post too quickly? Go back and read it. I said we were FWB's after I broke up with him.   You know, he played professional soccer and was a gym teacher in his country, meaning he has great 6-pack abs and a great body.   I enjoyed EVERY minute of our sex.