Update:wld you b suspicious-bf's gal pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Update:wld you b suspicious-bf's gal pal
2
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 8:45pm

I really don't know what to believe and what not to. I am so confused.

I had posted a week ago under the above title.
Short Recap: We have been seeing each other since 6 months(long distance), and he has this "very good friend" (his words) who I am getting worried about.

I couldn't keep it in me and finally had a long talk with my bf about her(when he again started talking about how he would love to travel to this place for christmas where this girls' family lives, and when I asked "why X place of all places?" and he says "I heard the lights are beautiful during christmas time"). Do I believe this.

Okay, I had missed mentioning something else in my last post. Sometime back when we were casually talking about this friend of his..we'll call her "Sharon", he had said "Oh I wouldn't like you to see how me and Sharon relate. You might not like it". I was flabbergasted and so hurt. I got all sorts of ideas in my head after that.
How could he say such a thoughtless thing and not have a gf get suspicious? He later said they kiss each other on the cheeks everytime they meet, and from what it sounded, they get touchy feely and that is how they are. That remark has stayed with me for so long. I cannot forget it. Should I ask him to NOT kiss her in my presence if at all we all meet one fine day? I don't know what to think.

All he had to say was that she is just a friend. That he spends all day thinking about me and that I am highly insecure and that I don't trust him.

Regarding the time when he said that "Oh Sharon doesn't like Black color on me"(when I mentioned that I liked that color on him), he said "am sorry for that".

And he still doesn't have a good answer to why he kept her and her family's picture stuck to the dashboard of his car. Is it normal for guys to keep pictures in their cars...pictures they can see when they drive. What does it mean. She was in the picture.
So if he says he just likes the family, should I believe him?

And then regarding him not taking her calls in front of me, he says from now he will try to take her calls.

In the face of all these signs, wouldn't any girl get suspicious.

In the end, he sticks to his idea that I am the one who is insecure and does not trust him.

I don't know what to do...
Our relationship has come to a standstill since 2 days. I am ignoring all his calls.
I am very confused about what to say. Whether to forget all this and become OK, or to stick to my doubts about him and her. If I stick to these doubts, I can anyway not be normal with him anymore. The long distance makes things worse.

Does he sound innocent? Are these innocent scenarios..
I don't know which direction I should take.

:-(

Thanks for reading..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 1:44pm

My only suggestion would be to make every effort to meet Sharon. I can't tell you whether he is totally hot for her, or he has known her so long that he sees her as sort of a sister. She may have a great family that he likes to be around, his family might not be so inviting.

Get face to face with both him and her, and see what happens. You can form an opinion after you watch them together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 4:26pm

Thanks for your reply chamey101

I don't think he thinks of her as a sister. He would have told me that if he felt that way. And meeting Sharon seems like it will take forever. We are all in different states.
Her own bf is in a different state. Yes, but meeting them and knowing her better would surely calm a lot of my fears. But who knows, they will be all uptight in my presence and not do their usual thing. So what I might see might not be the real truth anyway.

If someone has been attracted to someone "in the past", wouldn't the person be "still" attracted in the present? Afterall the person is the same, isn't it. He tells me "Yes, I was attracted to her and wanted to date her but that was a long time ago".