upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
upset
2
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 11:17am

I am extremely upset. Here's a little background info...

I have been dating a guy for 6 months. There is a 10 year span between us - he's 32 i'm 22 - and we met while I was doing my internship in NYC, and I live and go to college in Maine. We both knew that we would have to part ways once August came b/c i have to go back to college for my senior year. Within that 6 month span we have become closer... especially within the past month - 2 months. He's opened up to me more as have i to him.

2 nights ago was our last time together. I told him that I was really going to miss him and that I was sad to be leaving him. He told me that I shouldn't be sad and that we should look back on all the good times we had together. I agreed, but I don't think he understands that I have really deep feelings for him. I really want to be with him and i told him that I did and that i would be willing to try to carry on a long-distance thing, but he told me that he was "too old to be doing the long-distance thing" and that i should be free to enjoy my senior year of college.

Our relationship was amazing. We hardly argued and we could carry on long political conversations, intellecutal conversations and we could even spend hours just being stupid together. We really clicked, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. I really feel like i could have married this guy someday. I don't want to give him up and what we have, so easily. What really hurts was when he decided to be honest and said that if another girl came along and he was interested in her, he would run with it. And that really hurt because i feel like I might have just been a fling for him.

My plan is to return to NYC after graduation to persue a career. He has told me that He would like me to come back and is even willing to help me find something. But there's a 9 month span in between that, and I'm very nervous and afraid that he will find someone else, and meanwhile I will be wallowing in my own sadness over losing him.

I do plan on seeing him once or twice this fall. He'll come to Maine once or so, to spend a weekend and I will go to NYC once or so to spend a weekend and attend one of the football games that he holds season tickets to. we have talked briefly about it. it's just that now, i don't know what i should do, or how i should talk to him, or when i should talk to him, email him, text him, and i don't know what i should be like when we finally meet again. But for the meantime, I am very hurt, and it feels like my heart and soul has been broken...I have pretty much been inconsolable since that last night together - crying, no appetite, feeling empty, etc. - and I don't know what to do. Even though he told me that he'd keep in touch, It's so hard to go from something special to nothing at all.

Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: sgrplm12
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 1:11pm

I don't know what to say really. I guess if it were me I'd try to find out exactly where he's coming from. Maybe follow-up on his comment that if he found someone, he'd run with it. He may not want to come right out and say where he's coming from so he's throwing out hints. However, people who hint will also be specific at times when pressed.

My guess is that he thinks he's "sparing you" by giving you your freedom, and by association, his. He probably doesn't think of you as a fling exactly, just didn't think it would work, probably because of the different points in life you're both at. It sounds like he likes you but wants to end things while they're still sweet, instead of bitter and drawn-out. Sorry you have to go thru this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: sgrplm12
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 1:20pm

Oh dear.... honey, I'm sorry your heart is broken.

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