UR TAKE ON PERSONAL ITEMS

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
UR TAKE ON PERSONAL ITEMS
2
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 10:52am

Good morning,

I was wondering if you all could help me out with something: I've been dating my bf for 6 mths now... initially when we first started dating/spending the night at each other's house he had no problem with me leaving my things there. now, it seems like he has a problem b/c (1) he told me that his friends makes comments about me living there b/c (he claims) that my things are all over the place - NOT TRUE. When I leave his apt. I make sure to fold my things up nice and neat and place them in a corner for my return. But when I come back - he's moved them. 2ndlt, he stts that shoes and toothbrush are ok but nothing else.

so what gives? Could he possibly feel like I am crowding him out? Or could he be trying to cover up the fact that I'm there as much as I am? Do you think that his friends influenced his decision in some sorta way? How should I proceed?

btw- I know that he's totally within his right to demand/request such things but WHY?

thanks,
ravishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 1:36pm

so what gives? Could he possibly feel like I am crowding him out?
Crowding him out??? With just a couple of items??? Unless his apt is 16 square feet or he's Felix Unger, you are NOT crowding him out. For some reason, he is trying to make your visits slightly uncomfortable and inconvenient for you to stay there.

Or could he be trying to cover up the fact that I'm there as much as I am?
That's what I was thinking. Let me ask you something. Have you met most of his friends and family yet? Do you go out with his friends, or does he keep you separate? If he keeps you separate, that's a sign of a "double life".

Do you think that his friends influenced his decision in some sorta way?
If he's been single for a long time and the guys are used to him clubbing with them, then they probably are trying to influence him to going back the way he was.

How should I proceed?
You should say to him "My few personal belongings seem to be problem to you. Why?" And see what he says. Ask him why he moves your stuff. Tell him a toothbrush and shoes aren't nearly enough for an overnight stay, so therefore, you can't stay over if it's not planned "well in advance". Don't make it easy for him. Don't stay over with no change of clothes and only a toothbrush. That's inconvenient for YOU.

btw- I know that he's totally within his right to demand/request such things but WHY?
Maybe he wants control over his own space. I don't think this guy is a good candidate for cohabitation. Take this as an early warning sign, that he might not be marriage material.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 12:04am
Shoes and a toothbrush and nothing else? Ummm....excuse me? This guy is definatley anal about his flat. Do you think he "entertains" other girls when you're not there? I can't think of any other reason why he'd hide your stuff. Sorry to say.