Urgent Help: Boyfriend suddenly distant

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Urgent Help: Boyfriend suddenly distant
5
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 12:32am
I've been dating this guy for almost a year. We were serious but the last few weeks have been rough. I was being clingy and then got mad at him for hanging out with a female friend of ours instead of me. Then i got mad when he took me out for only three hours. He then said that he didn't want to be my boyfriend, that he didn't want me to plan ahead of time when we would see each other and that we can date (only hugs and kisses not sex).

It's been a week since he said that. I've not been so clingy since then. We've talked several times.

Tonight I called and left a message on cell phone that i hoped he was having a good day and that i'd like to talk with him. He text messaged me: "Im busy". I replied: "Ok. Talk to you when you're free?" His tet message in response: "Not tonight."

What should I do? Is he trying to make me break up with him? Is he annoyed with me? Do I call him tomorrow? I'm scared that he doesn't want to see me but don't know how to talk to him. Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 12:28pm
He's been pulling back for awhile, that's why you've been complaining to him. Notice how he doesn't care that you're upset? It's over for him. He doesn't want to hear from you and he's being pretty clear about it. After one year and he doesn't have time to call you back? After one year, I expect to hear from my guy once a day. You've been demoted. You know he wouldn't treat a friend like this, much less the woman he loves. Don't call him and don't grovel. It's over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 2:14pm
He's being clear with you...he wants an open relationship where you both can see other people, kiss and hug them if desired. He wants to see you, but "not tonight"...that means that he IS seeing other women and he's keeping busy. Now, do you want that as well? If you do then go with the flow, date others and such. If you don't then move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:38am


I've been through that road before and I can tell you that it can be quite confusing, I know. And you know the problem with guys is that even if their interest in you has waned, they choose not to tell you because they think they might want you back or that they might realise later that they made a mistake. Then it makes it easier for them to just walk back into your life and pick up from where they left off.

In the meantime, you sit alone hurting and asking yourself what you did wrong and questions like, "Maybe I nagged him too much" start kicking in your head. Let me tell you something, if your guy is wrong and you don't feel good about it, you do have a right to question him. In this case you did have the right to ask why he chose to hang out with other women than you and to question him why he could only be with you for 3 hours. The paramount issue here is your happiness and you have not been happy with his behavior.

So what should you do? You've tried texting him and all you've got are icy responses. You've given it a go, let him do his part too. If he's part of this relationship, he should try to keep it going too. It's not just entirely up to you. If he doesn't, my advice, leave him alone. Don't rush into telling him it's over or worse still don't beg him to stay, give him the cold, silent treatment he's been giving you. I know your fingers will involuntarily want to push those buttons, but hold yourself back, hard as it is, just try. Get a book to read to keep your mind off him. Hang out with the girls, start diary or something. But just don't be the one to make the move again. Let him know you can do well on your own. It won't be easy girl, but with time, you'll learn to do without the man and life will be better.

So don't worry yourself over him. Live your life and live it to the fullest, you only have one. Wish you all the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:03am
He definitely wants this over. The more you contact him you will do the following; a-Push he away to the point of just pure resentment. b-You will only prolong the healing for yourself.

Avoid contact at all costs! Even if he calls you, don't take his calls. I know this is easier said than done...but please take my advice on this one. A guy can only respect a woman who is confident enough to move on when she is not getting a the respect from a man that she deserves.

It puts you in a much better light than trying to pathetically hold on when he clearly does not want this.

Sorry to be so blunt. Just been down this road before and I have learned the hard way.

Best wishes

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:28pm
I read and then reread what you wrote... It sounds like it is already over. He basically broke up with you. If he's not interested in talking, then don't waste your time trying. But it truly sounds as if HE wants it over. All the signs are there. I'm sorry...Hope this helped...

~D