Using me or just scared?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Using me or just scared?
4
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:06pm
Me and my ex had been going out for almost two months when he broke up with me. It took me 2 times for him to ask me out to finally say yes. He was my first real boyfriend. I could tell he cared for me. While at work, he would call me. We would meet places to just be together. At first we started getting cool with eachother and then became more comfortable with eachother. I became very close to him and would think about him, a lot. I would still look at other guys when he wasnt around but I truly cared for him and would have never thought of breaking up. He liked me too, at least I think so. One night, he called me and said he had to tell me something. He gave me a big speech on out relationship and how it was going. Then he just said he needed some time. The "spark" was gone, he said. He needed time to see if he could get it back, he said. Other couples do it, he told me. Then he ended it with "Im sorry baby". After his speech, i was heartbroken for a minute then called my friend. She cheered me up and I guess I looked forward to being single again. Then at school... He ignores me. He doesnt talk to me at all and acts as if I wasnt there when I'm right next to him. I remember him saying how he didnt want us to end up like other couples, hating eachother and he's proven to contradict himself. My friend told me he was just scared of commitment, I dont know how true this is. I dont know what I should do. I feel like asking him whats wrong because I want to still talk to him but I dont want to seem as if I want him back. Even though I liked him so much I would never accept him back since he hurt me so much and just dropped me like some toy he got tired of. I was thinking of calling, or should I still ignore him ? please I need some advice, its driving me crazy. Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:55pm
No, this guy isn't "scared" of commitment or anything like that. It sounds like he was just out for a good time with you, and then he was done. But he saw you getting attached and he didn't want that. In fact, I don't think you should have ever considered him your "boyfriend," after only 2 months. Two months is usually just the beginning of the getting to know one another stage.

He was a jerk for ignoring you. That was rude, immature and cruel. But it was probably his way of trying to send a clear message to you that he does NOT want you as a girlfriend. So no, you shouldn't call him or fantasize about getting back with him. If he tries to come back to you, it will probably be his own selfish purposes, and he will hurt you again. Let it go. When you see him at school, you can ignore him too.

You are young and there are other fish in the sea. But next time, try moving a little slower. Get to know the guy well before you decide to become intimate... make sure you BOTH understand what kind of relationship you're getting into.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 6:49am
I think you just need to accept that he is not that into you anymore and this happens - and the same thing will happen to you - I would give him lots of space and avoid situations where you are standing right next to him. If you tell yourself he was just scared of commitment you will start to believe all boys are like that and they are not - instead of justifying why someone didn't want to date you anymore simply accept that some people click with each other and some don't - it's not personal it's just about the chemistry between two people. He didn't use you at all - rather, he dated you until he didn't feel the spark anymore and instead of waiting for it to return or being patient (which people often do) he decided to throw in the towel. Some people need to feel that high level of excitement all the time - he was really excited when you finally said yes but as he got to know you probably realized the two of you weren't so compatible, and that's fine. You'll be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 3:44pm
Okay, today I saw him again (I see him everyday), he rides my bus. When I have to pass his seat to get to mine I act like if he's not there since he's been doing this to me. It's been like this for about 2 weeks now. I was kind of pissed off today when I got off the bus because of stuff that had happend in school, nothing about him, so I was looking kinda angry. When we got off and as I'm going my way home, behind me I hear him call my name. I turn around and with a smirk on his face and open arms, he asks "Are you mad at me?". I look at him like he's stupid and ask why he thinks this, (we're at a distance), he says something else but i decide to ignore him because I was about to get ran over by a car... So I just leave and think on the way home. If he ever talks to me again when we get to school again, should I bring up the subject of me being "mad" at him, or should I go on ignoring him...

I truly dont like him anymore but when I think of calling him, my heart starts beating really fast. I've moved on but I just wish I didnt have to see him everyday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 6:42pm
He wants to do his thang, let him! I know you love him yet, you have got to get a life and enjoy you! Please under no circumstances, set yourself up to be used; like for instance being a booty call or him calling you crying on your shoulder about his issues or even asking for $$$! Be unavailable and date! You do not have to be serious when you date, just have fun. You are no doormat and do not allow yourself to be. You are better than that! Let me know what happened!

Take care!