Using the word "friend"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Using the word "friend"
12
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 3:36pm

We have known each other 6 months now. We live long distance.
I am starting to get resentful about a particular thing, and am hoping for some insight on this. How do I handle this situation?

He always refers to his friends as "friends". If he is going out ...he says "I have to go to a friends place". Only when I probe further, does he say their names. But I don't like to probe. I would just want him to use thier "names". Is this a guy thing to use the word "friend"? Or does this mean he is just being "secretive" and "keeping me at a distance". Is he doing this consciously or unconsciously?

And I am feeling this resentment More so, because I always use names. Infact even give a background about my friend to him, unasked. I also tell him for what purpose I am going etc. He gets all the information without having to ask.

I brought this up once when I was upset about something else. But I don't know if he took me seriously. What do you suggest, should I start using the word "friend" too? Tit for tat? Will that make him realize something? But I am usually not that kind of a girl who plays games like this. Maybe he will like me less, if I turn the tables on him.

I am just feeling so resentful about this, becoz it's so imbalanced.
I am very expressive, and he is usually quiet.

How should I handle this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 2:11am
Yeah....actually you are right blondie. Why do I want to be in this type of relationship. What you said was a sudden reality check, which I needed. He gives me strong signals that he likes me, he has agreed to the fact that he has feelings for me, he cares for me, he always hears me out, and does not play head games with me. He is planning to fly down to spend time with me. Plain and simple, he likes me. I know he is not seeing anyone else. This eggs me on, to keep being with him even though he is so unsure of a future together and seems to be so scared of the words "commitment" and "relationship". With the way he is with me, any girl would start harboring "some hopes". And more than anything else, I am in love with this guy. That's the *problem* so to speak. I am stuck. I am stuck, confused, not being able to move on, not knowing whether I should move on, when he is being nice to me and clearly likes me. He has feelings, but not on the intensity level I have for him. We are perhaps already in a semi-dating, semi-committed relationship, without even realizing. It's so weird. Sigh. I guess, this is a whole different issue....and the more imp. one than my original question that started this thread.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:21am

He DOES play head games though. He's not open, won't commit to a relationship, but won't tell you he DOESN'T want one, either. It might keep hope alive, but I for one would not be comfortable with him.

<> - doubt it. He fully realizes that he is NOT in a 'semi-committed relationship'. Otherwise, he'd commit. Sure, he's got issues, who doesn't, right? But YOU have to decide whether or not you want the scraps that he offers you. Him "liking" you shouldn't be enough. You should think better of yourself than to settle.

<> - actually, any emotionally healthy woman would see through his "ways" and see that he's not buying the cow when the milk is for free.

Also, if you spend more time wondering when your next "fix" (hookup, visit, sexual encounter, loving conversation) is going to come than enjoying a nice, healthy, mutually satisfying relationship, then it's not the right one. You need to move on and figure out for yourself why you're settling for less than you deserve.

You are NOT stuck. You can make the decision to be with him when he commits completely or not. You can give yourself a time limit (as long as you STICK with it) because right now, he has NO reason to commit, to give you ANY information (he doesn't like you to EXPECT any of that, after all), because you'll be there no matter what.

What exactly is it that you love about him? besides the way he makes you feel when he's visiting or talking to you or not being evasive about whe he does with his life?

Also, how do you know he's not seeing anyone else?

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