Vacation and male indecisiveness..grrr

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Vacation and male indecisiveness..grrr
3
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 11:39am
My BF (Don, 43) has the last week of July and first week of August off. For the past two year he, his 24 year old son and son's friend have gone to Wisconsin to fish, camp and take in the Chiefs football camp. The son and friend tend to not pay their share and then party, hit on women and last year got to smoking pot. My BF does not condone this and it makes his vacation very stressful. Don has talked that this year he was going to tell them they had to pay their share as money is a bit tighter this year and it wasn't going to be a big party. Then decided he really didn't want to go and would rather we went somewhere for a few days. So..I blocked my work/personal calendar which wasn't easy as I just aquired another dept. under me, arranged childcare for my six year old son with my parents, which means my mom requested time off work too and my parents live 3 hours away so we meet in the middle to exchange my son. Bottom line..I wanted to do this with him but it took some work to.

Last night he told his son about thinking they wouldn't go...who says they HAVE to go...now mind you, his son lost his job (we suspect he got fired) and is trying to find a new one to support him, his wife and a child. He told his dad he'd find the money..yeah right..and wasn't to thrilled that it wouldn't be a big party. His son has become rebellious including cheating on his wife, hanging out with the wrong crowd, etc. So now Don has decided we should "wait and see" if his son can go and come up with the money. Needless to say, I was not happy and he knew it. Like I told Don..his son has this tendency to believe his father will just drop everything and wait on him. When I'm over at Don's, his son will just pop in and think it's an emergency for his dad to put in a new stereo, hubcaps, etc. on his car. Or just pop in with two friend to "hang out" for awhile because he doesn't want to go home to his wife. Sometimes Don says we are busy and sometimes he just lets it happen.

So I guess I'm not sure what to do. I told him I couldn't just hold my vacation and my life for a month while his son decides and I'm unhappy that he is managing this situation as he is. He said he'd talk to son about a "deadline" that he has to decide by. That ticks me off too as that still puts us on hold for a couple weeks. Since I'm in managment, putting my work schedule on hold like this and then haveing to rearrange it is very hard and Don knows that. Any suggestions? Should I just cancel basically and say "too bad". I know his son can't get the money but darnit..I don't want "train" Don to think I'm going to wait until the last minute all the time to adjust to his son's schedule or put up with the son just showing up like he does. There's a peice of me that thinks it might be good for him to have his son cancel at the last minute and my work schedule to already be full....maybe he would think. Suggestions?
Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 11:53am
I think your BF(Don) needs to act like a parent and a responsible adult and tell his son "No!" and go away with you. Don made this decision to cancel on his son and go away with you and now he wants to change his mind? You also need to be firm about it and say" that you took a vacation leave because he wanted you too and made arrangements for your son. Don's son is acting this way b/c Don gives into his every little whim and need. He is son is manipulating him and it needs to stop! If you want to go away with him, then be firm and tell him these things. If he in the end ditches you, then take your son and do something fun by yourselves for your vacation week instead!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:16pm

Well, obviously, it was very inconsiderate of your BF to put you in this position.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 12:46pm
Hello monkey!