A Very Loaded Question
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A Very Loaded Question
| Tue, 12-14-2004 - 6:22pm |
Simply out of curiosity- my current situation aside(yet feel free to add your two cents on that one, of course)- I wonder why it is that men date women who are "beneath" them. By beneath I don't mean financially speaking, instead, in every other aspect of the word. (and not sexually either-lol!) I have met a lot of men who are dating women just because they can, there is no challenge. These relationships last for some time- but I don't necessarily see any spark or excitement. I do believe that women make it soooo easy for a man to be with them that generally speaking, men don't feel the need to work at a relationship anymore. In my confusion, I have to believe that being with someone who is not on a parallel level allows for a man to believe he is in power- yet how boring to not be challenged. And yes, concerning my personal situation- b/c I am a strong woman with a Master's degree- my ex boyfriend has fallen under the spell of a "girl" who doesn't make him work for anything- she is always there when he beckons- he can control her but he can't necessarily live up to my standards- and he knows it. HMMM.

I will go ahead and give my 2 cents. First, I am 29 years old, part Venzuelen, and I have a bachelor's degree in mass communications along with an associates degree in paralegal studies. Currently, I am a secretary/paralegal at a large law firm that is paying for my law school degree. I have asked myself some of the same questions. I personally think that most men are very insecure and uncomfortable when it comes to women, especially beautiful and intelligent women. My guess is that most, if not all of the partners at my law firm think of me as just some young, pretty, secretary, who just wants to quit her job and be dependent on a man and stay home and take care of his house and children. In the meantime, I keep getting closer to graduation and my bank account continues to grow for my house. I have made it clear with all the men that I date that I am not interested in a steady relationship and that I am still dating around. I drive one partner's Jaguar, I live in another partner's condo, and I vacation at another partner's condo in Miami. Another partner continues to buy me expensive clothing, everything from fine suits to wear when we go on business trips to sexy revealing dresses for dinners to taylor made gowns for big charity events. Another partner continues to buy me platinum/diamond necklaces, bracelets, and rings and keeps asking me to marry him. Although I enjoy sex with men and can never get enough, I just couldn't see myself sleeping with just one man for the rest of my life, especially someone who is 63 years old. When I turn 40 he would be 74! I consider myself a very high maintenance woman who has extremely high tastes and demands, especially when it comes to the bedroom.
I'm definitely no expert, having very recently returned to the dating game after a 4-year r'ship. But here is what I've observed. People who don't know what kind of person they want, or what kind of r'ship they want, will take the path of least resistance. Making a long-term connection with someone who is truly your equal is challenging and some people just aren't ready for it and some never will be, or don't want it. So we "date" or have r'ships with mismatched partners for a variety of reasons, for fun, company, sex, comfort, friendship, shared interests & not to feel alone. On another level I've also found that each of my LTR's has been an opportunity to grow, to learn about myself and my thought patterns, my habits of interacting and developing r'ships, learning what qualities are most important to me in a partner, learning how to handle conflict & develop the skills to maintain a r'ship. And sometimes I spent significant amounts of time with very wrong people just because the sex was great. Now that I am more ready to settle down and consider spending the rest of my life with that one right person, I'm not going to waste time pursuing all the Mr Wrongs like I did when I wasn't ready for the real thing.
Short answer: it all depends on what you're looking for at the time.
So you have a masters degree and work in a strip club as a cocktail waitress and some how you are sitting here judging your friends girlfriend??? HUH???
First off he's not "under her spell" he chooses to be with her because he wants to be. He can go out with you all he wants, but she will still be his girlfriend, it's obvious you want more from this guy from your posts, but he still wants to be with his girlfriend..why do you think that is???
It doesn't matter at all, what you do for a living, what degrees you have, or if you think you are "above" her...SHE HAS HIM!!!!
A hobby might be nice, you seem a little obsessed with this guy and what he does, it appears to me this guy wants a little side action, if your willing then go for it. But if not let him be and stop putting down other people just because you are jealous they have the guy you want.
You know, sometimes people want to be with someone who isn't overly demanding on them. Someone that will enjoy time spent with them. Maybe your ex has found this type of woman in this new girlfriend.
You sound like you want a high maintenance type of relationship. One where you're always on demand for stimulating conversation and debates. That's great, and I hope that you find someone who is looking for the same.
To suggest that anyone is "beneath" someone is a little much in my opinion. I don't have a bachelor's degree, but I feel that I am a smart person. Does that mean that anyone who went to school in University is above me? I have a family member who will slip in the fact that she is a Chartered Accountant into the first 5 mins of a conversation with anyone. To me, it's silly, because I think what you DO or what you went to school for does not make YOU as a person.
There's my two cents.