Very Low Self-Esteem
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Very Low Self-Esteem
| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:08am |
I am 29 years old and dated a guy for 3 years. He seemed to be ok for the first 2 years then the jealousy and insecurity reared it's ugly head. I started to see more and more of it in the 3rd year of our relationship. We broke things off but maintained a physical relationship for 2 years after, which turned out to be a huge mistake. Despite the relationship going bad and a lot of emotional and verbal abuse became previlant I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I knew that I had to leave him alone and I kept telling myself over and over I needed to move on. I knew what I had to do and I tried on many occasions to move on, but he kept calling; and I kept being weak. Doing myself a disservice has done a big number on my self-esteem, it crippled me! Yesterday, I had relations with him again. For him it is just sex, even though I have told him I need and want more. I told him to leave me alone if he doesn't want to give me more, but of course he isn't listening; and the kicker is that he is still verbally abusive!!! What is wrong with me? I don't know how to get my confidence and self esteem back. I find myself crying alot and feeling depresssed all the time. How do I move on and gain my self esteem again?
I don't have any friends to talk to or hang out with. My aunt is the only one I can talk to but she has her own problems and doesn't have much time to talk to me.
I don't have any friends to talk to or hang out with. My aunt is the only one I can talk to but she has her own problems and doesn't have much time to talk to me.

Let me tell you exactly what raised my self-esteem --- getting out of a bad relationship and doing it without doubts and then slamming the door on it.
nothing will make you feel better than knowing you have stood up for yourself and done the right thing.
sure, a few slow nights might follow, but you'll always know you have it in you to do the best thing for you!
It's hard to get out of that cycle, and that's what it is. I went through it for 5 years, and one day I said, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. One thing that someone said to me was, "do you picture yourself sitting here crying about this same issue in 5 years?" My answer was no. I was not happy, but had been so used to complaining about the situation, I couldn't just say, "I don't HAVE to live like this."
This guy is only in it for himself. I'm sure I could go on about how terrible he is for you, but you already know.
Want some advice? Or do you just want to repeat this with him?
If you really want some advice, here it is, otherwise, stop reading.
You need to rebuild yourself. You are not a ___, ___ and ___ person that he told you over and over again. You are a wonderful person who deserves happiness, respect and love. First you need to find these things in YOURSELF before you can find them in someone else. Go to the phonebook and find a counsellor. You don't need a shrink, just a counsellor, they are usually a lot cheaper and they will fufill the same need- to listen and be objective. You also need to reach out and start making some friends. Even just talking to random people at a coffee shop, in line at the grocery store, or joining a yoga class can help. Find a hobby that you have neglected or try something new that you always thought of doing. Your local community centre should have a lot of different programs you can join, and they are usually fairly cheap. If you don't have that kind of money, just get out and about. Walking around a park, or checking out the little shops in town for an afternoon is wonderful.
What I'm trying to point out is that you have to do things for you that make you smile. Stop and smell the roses for a change. This guy has made you feel like someone else, reclaim the person that you ARE!
No more taking his calls, do not be available. He WILL try to be more vulgar to you, but believe me, it will pass. Stand up for yourself. If he won't leave you alone, file a police report for his harrassment. Once you ask him to stop phoning you, he must stop or it is harrassment. Do not sleep with him. Do not go out with him. Do not do ANYTHING with this guy. He is not worth your time.
Good luck and be strong, you can break free.