violation of privacy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
violation of privacy?
4
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:32pm
I came over to my boyfriends apartment today and while he was out at the gym, he left his computer on with his email open. I went to use the computer to type up an assignment and could not resist the urge to peruse through his email. We have been dating for over a year, except for a short one month break we took this summer when i was traveling out of the country. During that time he told me that he only went on two dates with a girl (who was an old friend) and that nothing happened. In his email i found correspondence about sleeping over each others houses and other things that imply that their "dates" were more serious than my boyfriend has shared with me. Additionally the flirty correspondeces between them started about a month before I had suggested taking the break. I am very upset by what i found and want to bring this up to my boyfriend, but feel very torn because i know what i did was a complete violation of his privacy. I don't want to bring this up if it will end up causing more bad than good but i can't seem to stop being angry at him for not being completely truthful and feel like i can't trust him.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated!


Edited 12/15/2005 3:35 pm ET by jlg11
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:52pm
Well, while it wasn't right to read his mail, you got some valuable information about his character. He did cheat and he also lied. Just because you found out this info in a bit of an underhanded way, doesn't take away from the fact that he lied about the intensity of his relationship and he cheated before you agreed to take a break. You have every right to be angry at him for this. You definatley need to bring up the subject with him. Because the feelings you are hiding will not go away. If he does react defensively and dwells on the fact that you read his e-mail, that lets you know that he thinks he's done no wrong. Do you really want to spend your life with someone like that?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 5:36pm

Yours is a classic case of: "I snooped and I found out

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:08pm

That is why you NEVER snoop...you will find things you were NOT supposed to find. If my boyfriends email was in plain view I would never see it because somethings are better left unknown. He could have had a little affair and it maybe didnt mean ANYTHING to him, you guys are still together right? Unless he left his email out on purpose so that you would find it and you break up with him. If you tell him about it, I doubt he will ever trust you again. I mean its not like he is your husband, I think it would be different.

As much as you want to confront him, you would look like the bad guy for having invaded his privacy...he will always think twice about leaving you alone in his apartment or letting him use his phone. I doubt this will make you feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:28pm

This is a dilemma. You definitely don't want to let him know you were snooping.


Perhaps in a general way you can bring up that you want to meet more of his friends like that old friend he saw a couple of times during the summer while you were away. If he prevaricates in a casual way ask why - did more happen than you said? Don't be accusatory. Tell him it was a long time ago, you want him to feel he can be honest. And see what happens. It could all be perfectly innocent, you know, only he's afraid it won't APPEAR innocent.


Good luck. And don't snoop unless you're prepared to find things you aren't happy about.


,