wants to marry me; i dont have the guts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
wants to marry me; i dont have the guts
2
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 4:24pm
i am so confused....i have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. we are "madly in love" but we have ran into a major problem. i am a 20 year old white female fully independent from my parents; he is a 21 year old black male. where i am from interracial relationships are not accepted by my parents generation at all. my parents know i am "friends" with him but i still cant tell them that we are together together. my mom is not dumb and i know deep inside she knows. problem is....he wants to get married and i dont even have the nerve to tell my parents we are together. i am someone who wants to make everyone happy, but i dont think this will be one of those cases. please help me deal with this....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 7:56pm
Hon, this situation calls for maturity. You're 20, an adult, and you bf is 21, another adult. By your post it seems that you like to make everyone happy and this means that you're willing to let prejudism ruin your life just to keep your family happy.. If you knew that this would happen, meaning that your parents would not approve of you dating/marrying outside your race then why did you do it? As a joke or what? Now, one year and a half later you have to face the consequences of your actions. You have to decide between your family OR your bf. It seems that you don't have consideration for your bf's feelings and that you act just out of appearances. You'd be ashame of marrying a man outside of your race and now you dont know how to face the situation. If you don;'t have the guts then let your bf know NOW and don't waste more of his time. I suspect he doesn't even know about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 11:54pm
thanks for the advice......my true problem is i dont know how to handle my family. you are absolutely right, i knew my family would not accept an interracial relationship. when he and i started talking, i was going through alot and he was just there and made things better...then you know one thing leads to another. he knows all about the family problems. he has been kind enough to try and help me through and not leave me....
i think the final pin has been pulled from the stack, every time lately (since when i told my mom that he and i were best friends and we would be together if it werent for her *a lie yes*) when i call my mom she never has the time to talk to me. she use to call me almost every day and now she hasnt called me in about 2 weeks. like *he* told me tonight, my parents are just trying to ignore me so i will get a taste of how it feels when i tell them im with him. i think i am gonna go ahead and tell them we are dating and i dont care what they think because he makes me happy and treats me good!