Was it something I said?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2005
Was it something I said?
1
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 2:07am

I met this guy a little over a month ago. We talk on the phone basically every day and we have gone out together a few times. When we do talk our conversations last at least an hour if not longer. However, during the time i've known him he has done some things that i don't like. On more than a few occasions he has said that he was going to call me back and hasn't, and has even stood me up one time (only to applogize the next day). I told him about himself and that I didn't appreciate his inconsistency and that I didn't have time to play games. He told me that he understood and felt the same way. Anyway, his job has him traveling a lot so even though its only been about 6 weeks he has gone out of town twice, once for a few days and now for longer. The first time he left he called me that same day and told me that he was leaving even though I had been talking to him daily and he had never mentioned anything. When he finally got to his destination he called me several days later and ended up coming back the next day.

Anyway, we went out last Saturday, had a great time and we texted message later into the wee-hours of the morning that same night. One of the last messages that he texted said that he was going out of town within the next few days for a month and would I wait for him. I was kind of joking and replied that i would try and then went on to say that i would. However, that is the last i've heard from him and its been a week. I called and left a message once, right before he was to leave and text messaged him several days later but with no reply. I guess my question is, was it something that I said in that I would try to wait (because based off of his inconsistent behavior I'm wasn't really trying to commit to waiting for him), or is he just flakey and a waste of time anyway?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:32am

this is what i feel:

he "could" be just a very careless person (nothing to do with you) and still interested in seeing where things go with you. there are guys like that.
but do you want to date such a person? with whom things have so far been "unpredictable" and "uncertain"?

my other line of thought is that since you both have not spent much time with each other, and don't know each other very well, & have just "begun" dating, you could cut him some slack and keep expectations low.

What do you think about him so far? You know best, really.
is he worth a shot?

you both need to "communicate" better if and when you both decide to pursue this relationship. have a heart to heart talk. always be honest. be understanding but don't hold back on asking for what you need.

he has to know where he needs to improve, IF he wants to take things further with you.

so far, it just seems to me that you might have to work very hard with this young man, and it should not be that way.

for now: i would leave him a message explaining everything "As IT IS" and leave the ball in his court. no contact after that.