Wasting my time?
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 9:55pm |
Hello everyone. I am friends with a man that I have known for about 4 years or so. I am regrettably returning to the life of being single after being married for 15+ years, so this dating thing is totally new to me again lol. He and I are *not* dating, but still maintain a half assed friendship. Months ago I emailed him about some unusual behaviour he exhibited towards me that he never had done before, and he responded that he is a flirt and that is all that there was to it. I didn't get that impression at all, but let it go.
Since thenanytime we are in a situation where, for example,typically friends would hug goodbye, we both dodge one another. I am saddened by this, as I truly value his friendship and wish I had never asked about his behaviour. He made a comment about my not being satisfied with the progression of our friendship. I have no idea where this came from, and as far as I am concerned, a "progressing" friendship is different than "just friends"...or am I totally wrong? So, I am really confused...we get along great and have the same interests, but if the situation gets where there is a chance "something" could happen...we both get nervous and abruptly stop it. I won't even look at him. I can stand by him, go out with him and there's no issue. It just seems to get uncomfortable when I am leaving..strange huh? I just don't know! He never contacts me unless I initiate it first. I just don't understand what if anything is going on? I know that he was really hurt from his previous relationship, and hasn't had a steady gf in 7 months or so.
However, this weekend he initiated "the sex talk". Generally speaking though, not making any reference to it happening between us. It's so frustrating...I think I need to just let him go and not even continue the basic friendship because I have started to have more than just friends feelings for him. I am sad to think this feeling is mine alone - I just don't know what to think anymore.

He and I have been chatting about relationship experiences and it's pretty obvious how burned he is by his last one. On the other hand, I am of the mindset that there are two sides to every story, and now that I have gotten to know him better , it's obvious to me that his growing up years and life experiences pretty much groomed him to be the reserved and cautious man I talk to. As for me, I know I'm confused and I think it's in my best interest to deal with my marriage ending and my kids right now..leaving this friend as just a friend. Perhaps once I am in a better position and figure out who I am, I'll be ready for a relationship.
Thank you again for your insightful post..I truly appreciated it!
It sounds like neither one of you are really ready for a relationship. You should join us on Single Mothers and Dating.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlsolomother&nav=start
There is also another good board. Dating as a Single Parent.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-psdatesingle&nav=start
If you are newly divorced you need to take time get get your life established and discover who you are as a single person. You were in a long time marriage. I divorced after 21 years of marriage. Talk about being shoved out of your comfort zone!!
You are not yourself for the first year. ONE of the biggest mistakes I made was dating only 5 months after my divorce was final. But, it has been 4 years and I have met someone. It takes time
Stephanie
Edited 8/16/2006 10:58 am ET by texas_mom1991