wats his deal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
wats his deal
4
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:17am
hi, my name is sara, and i have ur typical, girl likes guy but guy is so confusing story. im 20, hes 21. weve been close friends for 3-4 months ..hes a trustworthy guy .we became so close cuz we spent time together everyday durin summer...anyways, i have strong feelings for him.. i care about him a lot, i do a lot for him...we get along so well, im always there for him and he appreciates everything, he tells me no one has done so much for him before, none of his girlfriends...but... he told me that its not that he doesnt like me, he just cant have a gf in his life rite now, hes got a lot on his plate, hes applying to school in his respective field, and hes gotta take entrance exams and he has to study for them.. anyway i went on vacation for a month.. we talked to each other once a week, and a couple times on the fone...last two weeks we dint talk cuz i got busy... when i got back he finally admitted to me he missed me the whole time... he said he missed all i did for him, my whining and saying his name when i wanted something, studying with me, and how i always whined to eat at tacobell, lol....when i got back we talked on the fone for 1 and half hours, he hates talkin on the fone for one thing, and the longest convo hes had before that was w/ me for 20 minutes...he initated the calls, he initiates most, he messages me mostly, and if i dont, he thinks somethings wrong, hes always been there for me, he sticks up for me....he says he knows me like the back of his hand, when we talk we always make eye contact....and he says he doesn't know why he flirts with me....he was talkinga bout how he went out and one of his friends wanted him to hook up w/ some girl but "she wasn't feelin him" he said, hes so not like that though.....he doesn't hit on girls, he so shy, he doesn't sleep around or have random flings....hes still a virgin so...idk what he meant by that girl, i know he wouldnt have done nething w/ her anyway....does he have feelings for me? its good that he mised me for the whole month i was gone right? does that mean i mean something to him? oh yeah and if i dont talk to him for one day he thinks somethings wrong or im mad at him.. i just saw him yesterday for the first time in a month, and it dint feel like i was gone..i tried to avoid speaking to him too much while i was in a group w/ him and some others, but he tried to get me alone to talk to me cuz he knew something was up with me behavior. we went to get a few things at the store and i went in a different direction then everyone else, and i knew he was gonna come follow me, he did, and then i went somewhere else, then he followed me there....even at my apartment, i left the sitting room and went to my room, and he came in my room just to ask me whats wrong..he gave me a hug after i gave him his gift, it felt so close and warm...i thought hes like this with all girls, but i noticed its when i dont give him attention he comes to me. he may get "mad" when one of my other friends doesnt give him attention but he actually follows me and talks to me to figure out whats wrong and why im acting this way, with my friend, he doesnt care.. anyway, thanks a lot for your help, please respond :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:31am

Yes, he does care for you--as a friend. If this guy wanted to have a relationship with you, he would. He's not telling you to wait, he's not saying that at some point in the future things will change. He's simply telling you that he isn't ready for anything. Sounds like he's getting the benefits of a pseudo-relationship with you--he has a great girl who's attentive and who shares a good friendship with him.


Personally, I would forget this guy so far as a relationship goes. If he happens to find a girl he wants to be with, you're going to be heartbroken. Sorry, but I don't see any other options...


Hope this helps. Keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 12:22pm

I totally agree. The reason he's seeking you and finding out why you're upset isn't so much about you, it's about HIM! He is really happy to have someone around who both adores him and does everything for him. He's not going to give that up easily, so he's going to try to keep you happy by giving that little bit extra attention that he KNOWS you want.

But he's told you straight out that he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. It's fine for him the way things are, you wait on him hand and foot and he doens't have to *really* put in much effort. He might even bring up more of a sexual relaitonship and have you as a friend-with-benefits, but again, you wouldn't be his girlfriend.

And when he does find someone he wants to date, you will be heartbroken. When a guy gives you an excuse as to why he can't date, don't think of it as a grand scheme that he can't date anyone, no, he's telling you that because he can't date YOU. You bet that if someone sparks his interest then suddenly he'll have more than enough time to have a girlfriend in his life.

Can you still be friends? Sure, but STOP doing everything for him. Then you'll see why he's being so nice to you- cause when you stop, I bet that after the initial period of trying to bring you back into his little adoring circle and it doesn't work, he'll drop you like a hot potato.

So go out there and focus your energy on dating other guys and you'll find one who DOES want to be with you, not just have you around to pamper him.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 12:32pm

in response to cl-bklynchik

well last nite he was a little tipsy and he called me.... at 2 am... hes like oh i dint think ud answer i was just testing u....he asked if i was still mad at him and i said no hes like "i made it up to you on the bus didnt i when i asked u to come over sunday" and then hes like so i thought u were gonna forget me while u were on vacation.. i said i didnt, i lied. hes like so were u mad bc u couldnt call me. i said i wasnt mad just frustrated, but then i got used to it. so i asked him if he missed me he said of course i did a little bit everyday (before a few days ago he said he missed me the whole time i was gone).. im like ohrealy? hes like well yeah, but i missed a lotta people i missed my sister for example... hes like when i saw uthe other day i wanted to hug you but u walked away.. i siad if i act different around u its because im trying not to get so close to you..hes like "how close r we" i said "too close" hes like "if u had studied with me in the spring semester we would have been even closer now.." then i told him how i feel comfortable at his apartment as opposed to his old apartment where my best friend still lives with some new roommates.. hes like "oh hes ur best friend? who stuck up for u when u were really hungry and he didnt even consider how hungry u were when taking 3 horus to bring u ur food, who was ur best friend then?" hes like "y do u always fight with me? u dont fight with ur other friends" i said "i like fighting with u." then he told me he hadda go pee and if it was okay if he took the fone with him into the bathroom.. i said it was fine....yesterday at his place he told me how my roommates dont like him so he doesnt like coming over to my place...so his roommate was like "who likes you (asking him)" and hes like "nobody likes me like that" and he looked at me, i guess he wanted to see my response, but i dint say nething.. idk if i mentioned this in my first post but he had a gf for one year who cheated on him really badly.....so hes really insecure about that.. they broke up in jan....hes insecure about girls and stuff.... anyway what do u think, thanks for responding :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:14pm

The first thing that comes to mind and I could be completely off here... but he gets off on knowing that you're there and wanting him. It's drama girl.


I stand by what I said earlier... move on from him. You deserve a guy who is not going to play games with you. You deserve a man who will want you for who you are, not the space you fill within him.