We borke up and I'm pregnant #2

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2006
We borke up and I'm pregnant #2
3
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 1:01pm

I have absolutley NO idea why my ex wants to spend time with me on Valentine's Day. It almost makes me think that he wants to get back together.

Okay RECAP...

Four mouths ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke it off with me. The reason was simple. I moved to Kansas and he still lives in Missouri. The distance took tole on our relationship and it eventually ended. I found out I was pregnant a week after we broke up. It's been four months and he JUST decided he didn't want to be a part a his child's life. Then THE VERY NEXT DAY he asked me to come down and spend Valetine's Day with him.

Now here are the things I know....

He's not having me come down for sex because I am restricted from having an orgasm because I have a weak cervix and an orgasm could send me into premature labor.

He is not having me come down to compinsate for him not anting to be in the child's life because I'm not mad. When i first found out that I was pregnant I told him that I didn't want him around (he has alot of drug issues). And so him making the decision to stay out of it is actually what I wanted.

That's pretty much all I know for SURE...

So what's the deal????? Is he just lonely? Does he want to get back together? Or is it something else entirly???? HELP ME...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:27pm

From a former addict.

To anybody that tolerates us - we consider them like an ATM machine, or a drive-thru fast food service.

Attention, approval, acceptance, cash, options, opportunities, conveniences, comforts, and benefits - you're a source of it and we'll utilize it - just like the drug is a source, and we utilize what it offers as well.

So he doesn't want to "spend time with YOU"....as an individual. He was never with YOU as an individual.

He was with you as a source of attention, adoration, approval, benefits, services, conveniences, options, and opportunities.

You're now having his child...you're not requiring him to pay support, nor are you "mad" at him. So now he's got a free reign in his view to come around anytime he wants, utilizing whatever you have to offer, "because you'e the mother of his child".

Are you going to hold a higher standard when the child is born? As in, if you're not going to nurture, guide, parent, and love you're not included? Doubt it.

You'll let him come around, hanging out, enjoying bouncing the baby till it barfs because he thinks it's cute....while you change diapers, and work two jobs.........and he comes and goes at will in teh child's life.

You'd do really well to take an indepth parenting class. Because parenting is not about having "happy kids having fun"...it's about raising self-aware, resposible, accepting, and accountable "people" to be mature, secure, emotionally balanced, successful, independently defined and living adults.

You sitting here wondering what a drug addict wants by 'spending time iwth pregnant you" on Valentines Day indicates you're SO NOT up to that standard at this point. Prepartion with a purpose and focus will get you there however.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:36pm

As long as the baby is still in your belly, he doesn't have to deal with the child. He can have your friendship, your companionship and your love.

Has the drug use stopped? Does he want to be part of the child's life now? Is he willing to step up and be a father? If not, why bother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:31pm

Do you really want a drug addict around your child?


Having gone through what you are going through now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the father of my child would NEVER be a good parent/boyfriend/husband no matter what holiday/day of the week it was. Unfortunately it took ten years, the birth and death of my stillborn child to realize my worth, what I deserve and my future children~a real man who can be held accountable for all his actions, be responsible to me and his children, able to accept and give love unconditionally. I am also with the other member in that you really need to place all your "ducks in a row" so-to-speak.


Parenting is EXTREMELY hard. My baby isn't with me but everything I did up till his birth alone was VERY hard. Going to the doctor alone, buying all the cute baby outfits~ALONE. I'm not saying it can't be done because I was very ready for my little man but now that I look back I so wish I would've had a loving partner to share the miracle with. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy, you can do it as a single mom but don't take parenting lightly. You are responsible for that child's well being for now until forever. You are his or her mother and you must begin to act and think like a mom.


All The Best,


tina

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