we love eachother, cant that be enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
we love eachother, cant that be enough?
4
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:34pm
well ive had alot of failing relationships and i met this guy and hes sooo great and we've been together for 5 months and i love him and hes not like any other guy ive ever met me and him can talk hes like my b/f but also my best friend. he doesnt ignore me, hes understanding, he cares so much about me, we have this great connection and i really see a future with him and so does he. well he left for basic training for the army in january and hes going to be back in april, but then hes leaving to iraq or wherever they send him off. and well it seems like everyone has been telling me that i should put our relationship on hold, and i dont understand why. its like they say "oh you cant have a relationship with him if hes not here, and oh what if he cheats on you, people change". i know people change and its like im here waiting for him and i have been doing good so far cause im in love with this guy i really dont belive hed cheat on me because he saw how bad it hurt his mom and how bad it has hurt me in the past. and i feel like if i get burned by him i mean it'll hurt me and all cause i waited for so long but ill get over it eventually. just i could put things on hold and it could work, but i could also put things on hold and it turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life(him meeting someone else, or him not taking me back cause i hurt him)i dont want to live in regret forever its just im happy with him,why cant being happy and in love be enough anymore for people to get off your back about it. ive been with other guys lots of other guys and ive never met one who was like him hes the most amazing thing thats happend to me and i dont want to lose him, ever. and i dont feel that we need to put things on hold even though it may be a long distance thing for a little bit, i just dont see anything going wrong for me to have to put things on hold.me and him are not the kind to care what others think, but now that even my own mom and best friend are telling me their opinions its got me thinking so i just needed some advice for someone who might be on my side about it.

<3brandy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:02am
It is kind of hard to answer your question because you ramble on a lot. As far as I can see you have no reason to break up with him. Chances are he wont have an opportunity to cheat in Iraq. All the women are covered up and the military will not give him breathing space to get out at all while in Iraq for security reasons.

Anyway break up with him if he does something bad. Now having said that... Long distance relationships are tough. Abscence does not make the heart grow fonder. That is a load of C----. You may find yourself finding someone yourself.

Anyway just keep going as long as you are happy.

And please try to write more clearly. You were rambling on and on and on. Makes it hard to rea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 7:30am
No - love is not enough - there has to be compatibility and compatible goals. One thing you wrote struck me - you like him because "he doesn't ignore me" - huh?? Is that your standard - that if someone doesn't ignore you he is treating you properly? Why should anyone you are in a relationship with ignore you and why are your standards so very low that as long as he doesn't ignore you, it's ok. How about someone who listens to you, who is interested in you and what you have to say - as opposed to the very negative way you put it.

If you want to put things on hold, go for it - my guess is that long distance for someone like you will be too much of a fantasy and involve a lot of insecurity and pining and longing and will have little to do with learning whether you are compatible - your post suggests that. my parents had a 4 year long distance relationship when they were engaged, and they've been married 48 years.

My advice - date others casually - create a life for yourself full of friends and interests and hobbies - and when he returns pick up where you left off - you sound like you are clinging for dear life on anyone who pays attention to you and doesn't cheat on you and I think if you work hard on yourself - your education, hobbies, social life, interests, you will know what you're worth - you don't, right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:11am
My name is Jenn and I have been in the same position you are in. I was dating a guy for 2 years who was in the army. He went to Afgahnastan for 7 1/2 months. It was really hard because we could only talk maybe once a month if we were lucky. Most of the time it was one email every 3 months. It was really hard though when he got back. He had changed drastically because everything that he had seen when he was over there. Even though when they get back they have to see a "shrink" so that they dont go insane and kill their wives and girlfriends like some soldiers did here in NC at Fort bragg, the war still changes them forever. So think long and hard on whether or not you can handle not talking to him for 3 months at a time, or him being distant from you when he does get back home. Even if you 2 are not going out while he is over there, if it is meant to be it will be. If it is meant to be you 2 will get back together. Yeah it may hurt you both, but in the long run whatever you 2 decide will be the best decisions for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 3:11pm
Do what feels right for you, hon. Are you over 18? Then you are legally an adult, and you can have whatever kind of relationship you want. If you and this young man get along so well, then there's nothing wrong with holding onto the relationship and waiting for him to come home from Iraq. Your family and some of your friends might be trying to discourage you from waiting for him because they don't want you to waste your time. Long distance relationships are VERY difficult for people, especially YOUNG people.

But pay attention to what the last poster said about how guys change when they come back from the military.. and especially active duty during a war. I was SHOCKED at how my nephew changed when he came back from Iraq. Of course, he was much more mature and grown-up. But he was also cursing and drinking and smoking... he never did anything of those things before he went over. Maybe your boyfriend and his feelings for you won't change. Perhaps you will continue to feel the same way about him months ...maybe a year...from now. I hope so.

Good luck to you both.