weird
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| Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:33pm |
Does anyone think it is strange that after spending time with someone for about 14 months, I have not even met his friends, co-workers, or family? He has met some of my friends during this time and when I talk about friends I always attach a name so he knows who I am talking about. He's not a loner and when he does mention friends but gives no names or sometimes no gender to these friends of his. I have heard him talking to a few friends on the phone. He's extremely shy and is sort of socially awkward. This is from my observation of him and the way he behaves with my friends.
Here's a bit of history: I met this guy last year in late May and did not start dating until the beginning of June of last year. During our four months of dating he decided that I was not 'the one' for him and he wanted only friendship from me. That hurt alot cuz I was already falling for him at that time. I stopped contact with him for about three weeks after that and then resumed seeing each other again about every two weeks as friends. It was hard being friends and after two months of hanging out as friends. I ended it and stopped contact with him early this year in January for about another two months.
After two months of no contact, we started to hang out again in March but a little at a time, once every three weeks or so. I had to start out slow and get used to the friendship. It was a bit awkward in the beginning but I got the hang of it we were both comfortable with the friendship. We have been seeing each other more often since June about once a week but we are just friends and nothing more.
So I am wondering, is this strange that I don't really know how he behaves with his friends, co-workers or even family? I am starting to get a weird feeling about this. Am I his friend? Is he hiding something from me? I am afraid to ask since he seems a little sensitive because of his shyness. Normally I can figure out a person not only by spending time with them alone but also by seeing how he behaves with his friends and my friends.
Thanks for reading and your insights are much appreciated.

I don't think it's weird if he is just a friend; I have plenty of friends I spend time with one on one and don't meet their other friends or family. Also, is he secretive, or just doesn't talk about them much? There is a subtle difference there - if he seems like he avoids your questions, he is being secretive. If he doesn't talk to them much or spend much time with them, he may just not have much to say.
He also may not want to reference "Bob" if you're not going to know who he's talking about anyway...
I can't really tell if he is being secretive because I have stopped asking questions when we were dating romantically and I guess I have not made that transition of a friendship where I can just ask him anything. When my friends (different friends) have met him at both stages (while dating and just hanging out as friends) they said that he was a bit quiet and not very engaging in conversation. He'll just answer questions quickly without elaborating and seems a bit closed.
You made a good point about the fact that maybe he doesn't spend much time with his friends or just doesn't have much to say. I just can't figure it out. He does however talk more about his relatives because he does spend more time with them but does this mean that he doesn't have a lot of friends?