What am I doing wrong??
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What am I doing wrong??
| Wed, 09-01-2004 - 4:06pm |
Ok...I met this guy about 4 or 5 months ago. I was stupid and ended up sleeping with him the first time we met. He did call again, we got together again. Again we slept together. This is now become a pattern. I mentioned to him that I would like to know where we are about a month and half ago and he was like um...I don't know. He just got out of a bad mariage about 2 years ago and the last girl he date ended up to be a stalker so I understand that he would like to take it slow, but it is coming on to 5 months now and I would really like to tell people that I am "Dating" him instead of just "sleeping" with him. We rarely go out with friends, we normally get together at my house to hang out or go for a drive. Should I give him the boot or what?
Thanks!!

Don't tke it personally - he probably doesn't want to "date" anybody because it means honest comunication, potential commitment, and an alteration of his lifestyle.
So basically - you're a bed buddy. He regards you the same as he does his guy friends...he hangs out whenever he feels like it, and becuase it meets his needs...it's just that with you - he does something he wouldn't ever do with his guy friends.
You didn't end up in this "position' with him because you slept with him on the first date, either, FYI. You ended up in this position - because no matter what you would do or not do - what he doesn't want and won't do is "date" anybody.
So whoever was willing to hang out, hook up, have fun without obligation - he's all about it.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I wouldn't place any significance on his "stalker" ex, I might not even believe there was one. It's a convenient excuse to avoid being honest with you about his intentions. But you don't need any reason for his reluctance to date you. The fact is that he doesn't want to, and all excuses and dishonesty aside, his actions tell you all you need to know. There's nothing wrong with you other than your propensity for denial.
Hi
Is he at least monogamous? Has any sort of commitment been made?
While with his recent history it's understandable he wants to take his time getting attached, it's long enough that you want to know if there's a possibility of this becoming more serious and is there any kind of, even if vague, potential time table.
You might also want to talk about at least going out on dates - vs just hanging out. Does he ever take you to dinner? Did he do something special for your birthday? Does he call to check in - if you've had a miserable day at work, does he make an effort to make you feel better? Does he share what's going on in his mind, in his life? Why has he said he hasn't wanted to get together with his friends? Has he met yours?
The above questions are geared to getting you to think about whether he treats you like a girlfriend, or at least like someone he cares about, even if the semantics (i.e.: word commitment) aren't there.
Sherry