what am I missing here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
what am I missing here?
5
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:26am
if a guy that broke up with you tells you that he likes and wants to be friends. He also tells you that he's phisically attracted, but his heart is not there. What was missing for a relationship for him to break up??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:58am
Could be a million things, but it only takes one thing not to be right. Usually a guy will say that they want to remain friends, but they don't actually. I'm sure he's attracted to you, since most guys won't tell you they are if they're not. Just be careful that he doesn't try to remain friends with you just to become a friend with benefits. You are looking for a relationship, he was not, so go find someone that is.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:23pm
I just had a guy I was dating tell me the SAME thing...he said..he loves everything about me...is very attracted to me....has a great time with me...BUT....something's missing....we were in a LDR (starting off that way...) so I'm assuming what was missing was me living in the same ZIPCODE as him...LOL...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:26pm
this all makes me wonder what is the formula of love. If a guy is attracted, meaning the chemistry is there, he respects you and like you as friend, has a great time, but 'something is missing'... What is that exactly? What do we do wrong??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:46pm
You may not be doing anything wrong at all as long as your behavior is not self-destructive or co-dependent. Here's something to ponder -

Think of a person as having 2 critical parts - the person and the agenda. You as a person could be perfect but if your agendas in life do not match, then what basis is there to continue? We see that here on ivillage message boards all the time, especially around the topic of "when is he going to propose" or "where is this relationship heading".

What I see happen a lot is that a woman will focus on the man as the person and virtually ignore what he says as to his agenda. Many believe that she can mold and shape him and his agenda into what she wants. That approach doesn't work. Listen and learn about both the person and the agenda. If there is not a solid match with both - then something is missing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:52pm
It's not a matter of you doing something wrong, it's simply a matter of him not feeling you're right for each other. There are so many intangibles that go into that so it's impossible to pinpoint *exactly* what was missing for him and you'll just drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

And I don't know if some or many men are the same way but for me, there's chemistry and then there's CHEMISTRY, ya know? I can be attracted to someone but not feel that extra zing and connection. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the guy, it's just that he's not right for me.

Sheri