what are your view on "going back"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
what are your view on "going back"
4
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 8:21am
My ex and I have been apart for 3 and a half years. We met 7 years ago when I was 24 and he 28. We dated for almost 4 years. In that time I went overseas for a year on my own (he couldn't join me as he was studying for his accountancy degree). I changed a lot whilst overseas and came back a much more independent woman. We struggled to maintain our relationship for almost a year after I got back until I eventually ended it. We just were at each other's necks most of the time.

We have stayed in contact since then and have remained friends. I am 31 years old now and he has just had his 35th birthday. He has been hoping all this time that we could get back together and get married and for the first time I am actually considering it. I do still love him and we have a fantastic friendship. We is extremely well liked by my parents and friends. He is hugely successful and I would be able to have the big house, and garden that I yearn for. We have both had other relationships in our time apart but funnily enough none of them have amounted to anything for either of us. Before I met him I hadn't really had any substantial relationship comparisons and I was always thinking there was something better out there. Well, since then I have realised that there is not much out there still available. I have had my fair share of disasters and am tired of hitting my head against a wall. I have always thought that my ex was like "going home". When I got retrenched at the end of last year he was the first person I told after my father. I just wanted him to know as I knew he was always there for me at any time.

So, my questions stands.... is there life after such a long time apart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 9:18am
did you ever think that you're fighting what's meant to be?? seriously examine what it is that's kept you apart. if you don't have any major issues, why wouldn't you consider him to be the one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 9:48am
WOW! You pretty much summed me up in your first sentence! I have always tried to be the man saviour! I always end up with guys who are needy in some way or another. I end up trying to save them from their demons and fail every single time. This one however doesn't need my saving as he's done a pretty good job of himself all along! In fact, it's quite funny that I ended the relationship after he had finished studying. So in retrospect I wanted to be his saviour during his time of need and once he was qualified I reckoned he didn't need me anymore. Which of course isn't the case....

I can't believe I have been in this mindset for so long. I could have married this guy 4 years ago and I chose to leave. And he still loves me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:10am
Well, what do you have to lose by trying it out? If there was no horrible reason as to why the relationship went wrong, ie abuse, then go for it. You are older now and you've had the experience of being on your own and with other men. Since you identified that need to help men and be thier saviour, you can work at resisting it. You are no one's mother, and don't need to be- adult men wise. Allow this guy to take care of YOU for a change...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:27am
thanks for your great advice. I'm gonna take the bull by the horns and take baby steps... will keep you posted :)