What comes first exclusivity or Sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
What comes first exclusivity or Sex?
6
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:13pm

Well dating is fun until gets to close to intimacy to me,lol. I dated this great guy about ten time and he is interested to be intimate and I am scared little bit becaue I want to know more if he only wants sex or he is in to me. He told me he likes me very much and he can't wait to be intimate and get closer. I do really like him he is very honest and I am scared becase of the last relationship I had. He is very sexually inclined person he told me early on so it is hard for me to seperate from sexuall and real realationship at this point.

How do I know if he is very seriously in to me or not?

Do we need to be exclusivily before we start having sex?

Rube

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 3:13pm

That's a very individual decision. Personally, having a clear understanding and agreement that we are exclusive (and what that means to both of us) is something I need to have before having sex with someone (assuming that it's not just a casual fling).

Given what I know of you from your posts, I think you should wait until you have a CLEAR sense that he is into you for more than just sex. You should also be able to talk freely with him about what you're each looking for in a relationship and about your concerns. There shouldn't be any uncertainty...if there is, or if you can't talk to him about these things comfortably, then it's too soon, IMO.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:56pm
The question is, do YOU need to become exclusive before having sex? That's what counts here
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 2:53pm

I had a talk two days ago about what kind of relationship we want and he said someday he wants to be serious and in love. We talked about our feeling toward eachothers. we were intimate for the first time

Do I want to be exclusive before sex? and the answer is yes.

I think I blew it here I had sex with him though and I am not comfortable about it.

How can I ask a guy if he's ready to be exclusive? well I am. I like him very much he treat me like a queen,lol.

Any advice will be great.

Rube.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:51pm

Just come out and tell him. And just because you were once doesn't mean that you're now obligated to be so again. Let him know that you like him and you enjoyed being with him, but that it didn't feel right to you afterwards because you're not yet committed to each other. And then say you'd like to be in an exclusive relationship and ask him if he wants that too.

If he does, great! If not, then you know and can act accordingly with that knowledge.
And if he says he might some day but not right now, then slow things down. But don't feel pressured into doing more than you feel comfortable doing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:56pm

My very strong opinion on this is if you can't talk to a guy you're sleeping with about things like that, then it's definitely too soon to be sleeping with him.

You need to take a step back IMO. Tell him you are not comfortable sleeping with him unless the two of you talk in depth about being exclusive and what that means to each of you.

Why would you sleep with someone if you're not comfortable with it? I don't get that. Speak up!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 4:33pm
This type of situation for me is tricky too. I also want to wait until someone is serious about me before i have sex with them...but it is hard to tell sometiems. Men will SAY they are really into, only seeing you, want to be with you for a long time...but these are just words. I guess the only way to really know is to make them wait a few months. By this time if they have stuck around through this wait it likely means they're serious about you. But dont give into a guy who says all the above after just a few weeks.